Checking in...
Once I began uncovering the emotional layers, it soon became clear that what was lingering behind the curtain was fear and doubt. Here's my answer to that...
When Fear and Doubt are back in town
You should allow them to stay
But tell them to keep it quiet until you're done writing for the day.
Ever since I decided to call myself a writer, about seven years ago, Fear and Doubt began to pop in and out just long enough for me to either drop what I'm writing all together or change what I'm writing all together. Little by little, I learned to continue working through their presence while they whispered ugly nothings into my ear. And now I'm discovering that I should stop treating Fear and Doubt as my enemies and accept them as my acquaintances instead, who happen to need a place to stay whilst they're in town. Yes, they are usually an intrusion and I want them out as soon as possible, but while they are a guest in my house, I welcome them fully without feeling the obligation to listen to their life-sapping stories. After all, they're here today, gone tomorrow.
What do I really want?
I want to be able to follow through with what I start regardless of how many times Fear and Doubt come to town. I know that telling them to go away only causes them to invite more of their friends over, so I'd rather learn how to live with them.
My intention this week is to look Fear and Doubt straight in the eye.
What kind of a person do I want to be when faced with fear or doubt?
I want to be the kind of a person who stands my ground, who is unshakable in her inner faith and strength. How can I make that happen? I have to believe that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing and it couldn't possibly be any other way. I have to believe that no matter what happens on the outside, on the inside I'm always fine.
How does facing fear and doubt align with the whole?
I know that when fears are faced, peace shines through. The truth behind fear is love and faith. When I align myself with the whole, I'm not afraid. Jill Taylor talks about how connecting to the right side of our brain is connecting to the Universe itself, to the All and Everything. When I connect to the "right side of me," I connect to all things.
Join me in looking at fear and doubt in the eye.
Thank you.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Removing the Layers
Checking in...
This past week I've been removing layers off of my story. It's been all about rewriting. At first, I wanted to go forward and just finish the story, but felt the need to polish the pages I've already written. It proved to be necessary as all rewriting is. I did not always feel like working on the story, but I practiced surrendering to the "not wanting" and found that after a short while, I felt like writing again.
What do I really want?
I want to remove any emotional layers that are blocking the light from shining through. Every so often, I feel unease in my body whether it'd be about what I'm writing, what I should or shouldn't be doing, the unease lingers behind the curtain. I want to open the curtain and see what's there.
My intention this week is to observe any lingering emotional baggage.
How do I see myself without the emotional baggage?
I see myself at peace and free. I know that it's impossible to get rid of certain emotions, but it is possible to watch them and feel them pass through my body.
How does being free of emotional baggage align with the whole?
Any discomfort or unease causes unnecessary pain and resistance. By holding on to it, I create unnecessary illness in myself and unhappiness in others, even if I don't see the effects of what I'm doing or feeling directly.
Join in me in observing any emotional baggage that arises.
Thank you.
This past week I've been removing layers off of my story. It's been all about rewriting. At first, I wanted to go forward and just finish the story, but felt the need to polish the pages I've already written. It proved to be necessary as all rewriting is. I did not always feel like working on the story, but I practiced surrendering to the "not wanting" and found that after a short while, I felt like writing again.
What do I really want?
I want to remove any emotional layers that are blocking the light from shining through. Every so often, I feel unease in my body whether it'd be about what I'm writing, what I should or shouldn't be doing, the unease lingers behind the curtain. I want to open the curtain and see what's there.
My intention this week is to observe any lingering emotional baggage.
How do I see myself without the emotional baggage?
I see myself at peace and free. I know that it's impossible to get rid of certain emotions, but it is possible to watch them and feel them pass through my body.
How does being free of emotional baggage align with the whole?
Any discomfort or unease causes unnecessary pain and resistance. By holding on to it, I create unnecessary illness in myself and unhappiness in others, even if I don't see the effects of what I'm doing or feeling directly.
Join in me in observing any emotional baggage that arises.
Thank you.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Doing or the Enjoyment of Doing?
Checking in...
Last week's intention to be more open has been working for me. I've been going to relational mindfulness classes in order to genuinely relate to people that I don't know even. There, we practice listening to each other without judgment or interruptions. I've been practicing being open, honest, and kind with whatever arises. The format of classes such as these allows for the space and trust to be who you are without fear of being judged or hurt.
What am I creating in other parts of my life?
Although, socially I've been more open, professionally I've been stumbling again, which brings me to this week's topic: What's the happy medium between doing and the enjoyment of doing? Yes, in fact, these two are a separate phenomenon. The enjoyment is something that happens involuntarily. And usually the enjoyment part comes during the doing, not before. I might get excited to work on something, but it's not the same as a deep-seeded joy that arises from staying aligned with whatever I'm doing.
What do I really want out of life?
I want to find joy in whatever I'm doing even if I don't feel like doing the particular task. For instance, if I set out to write today, then I would like to do that and feel joy even if I don't feel like doing the work, which sort of contradicts surrendering to Life. But what will happen if I surrender to "I don't want to do this right now" feeling?
My intention this week is to surrender to "I don't want to do this," feeling and see what happens.
What kind of a person do I really want to be through this experience?
I want to be the kind of a person who does what she set out to do. But I also want to be the kind of a person who forgives herself if she doesn't always follow through with what she set out to do. In my experience, being hard on myself doesn't work. If I don't continuously practice self-forgiveness, I go backwards two steps and find myself back in the slump. Therefore, I want to be the kind of a person who does not place any sort of expectations on herself, but rather allows "I don't feel like it" vibrations to be there and resume work when ready.
How does surrendering to "I don't want to do this" feeling align with the whole?
If I'm not creating suffering or pain for myself, I'm not creating it for others. Resisting the feeling would create suffering within me. I vow not to create suffering for myself and others.
Join me in surrendering to "I don't want to do this right now," feeling.
Thank you.
Last week's intention to be more open has been working for me. I've been going to relational mindfulness classes in order to genuinely relate to people that I don't know even. There, we practice listening to each other without judgment or interruptions. I've been practicing being open, honest, and kind with whatever arises. The format of classes such as these allows for the space and trust to be who you are without fear of being judged or hurt.
What am I creating in other parts of my life?
Although, socially I've been more open, professionally I've been stumbling again, which brings me to this week's topic: What's the happy medium between doing and the enjoyment of doing? Yes, in fact, these two are a separate phenomenon. The enjoyment is something that happens involuntarily. And usually the enjoyment part comes during the doing, not before. I might get excited to work on something, but it's not the same as a deep-seeded joy that arises from staying aligned with whatever I'm doing.
What do I really want out of life?
I want to find joy in whatever I'm doing even if I don't feel like doing the particular task. For instance, if I set out to write today, then I would like to do that and feel joy even if I don't feel like doing the work, which sort of contradicts surrendering to Life. But what will happen if I surrender to "I don't want to do this right now" feeling?
My intention this week is to surrender to "I don't want to do this," feeling and see what happens.
What kind of a person do I really want to be through this experience?
I want to be the kind of a person who does what she set out to do. But I also want to be the kind of a person who forgives herself if she doesn't always follow through with what she set out to do. In my experience, being hard on myself doesn't work. If I don't continuously practice self-forgiveness, I go backwards two steps and find myself back in the slump. Therefore, I want to be the kind of a person who does not place any sort of expectations on herself, but rather allows "I don't feel like it" vibrations to be there and resume work when ready.
How does surrendering to "I don't want to do this" feeling align with the whole?
If I'm not creating suffering or pain for myself, I'm not creating it for others. Resisting the feeling would create suffering within me. I vow not to create suffering for myself and others.
Join me in surrendering to "I don't want to do this right now," feeling.
Thank you.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I, The Open Vehicle
Checking in...
Being mindful of my thoughts this past week helped me realize that I am the vehicle through which action happens. Although, I've already known that, I've been able to feel it as well. I am still working on the story and am enjoying being the vehicle for it. Once in a while, my thoughts nag me on "what else I should be doing instead of what I'm doing?" So far, I've been able to let these thoughts pass.
What do I really want out of life?
I'm going to be coming back to that question every week. I want to be around more like-minded people. I want to be a part of a community that help me support my practices of staying present. So far, I signed up for Eckhart Tolle's Silent Group on Sunday evenings. There, we sit in silence for 15 minutes, then we watch one of his retreat talks, and we end with sitting silently for another 15 minutes. Although, there is no discussion going on, I'm enjoying just being around people who are practicing presence.
My intention this week is to be an open vehicle for attracting a like-minded community of people into my life.
Who do I really want to be as part of this community?
I want to be open to receiving new people. I want to break away from my comfort zone and put myself out there.
How does what I want align with the whole or you?
To me, this Blog is another way I'm building a community. Feel free to share and comment on here.
Join me in saying, "I am open to new encounters."
Thank you.
Being mindful of my thoughts this past week helped me realize that I am the vehicle through which action happens. Although, I've already known that, I've been able to feel it as well. I am still working on the story and am enjoying being the vehicle for it. Once in a while, my thoughts nag me on "what else I should be doing instead of what I'm doing?" So far, I've been able to let these thoughts pass.
What do I really want out of life?
I'm going to be coming back to that question every week. I want to be around more like-minded people. I want to be a part of a community that help me support my practices of staying present. So far, I signed up for Eckhart Tolle's Silent Group on Sunday evenings. There, we sit in silence for 15 minutes, then we watch one of his retreat talks, and we end with sitting silently for another 15 minutes. Although, there is no discussion going on, I'm enjoying just being around people who are practicing presence.
My intention this week is to be an open vehicle for attracting a like-minded community of people into my life.
Who do I really want to be as part of this community?
I want to be open to receiving new people. I want to break away from my comfort zone and put myself out there.
How does what I want align with the whole or you?
To me, this Blog is another way I'm building a community. Feel free to share and comment on here.
Join me in saying, "I am open to new encounters."
Thank you.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Creating " " Space
Checking in...
Not resisting what happens last week has led me to start writing a novel. I'm not questioning why I want to write that particular story as a novel, not as a screenplay, which is what I've been working on thus far, because the rule is not to resist what happens. How did not resisting work for you?
What am I still resisting?
The truth of the matter is that I am still not in complete surrender. This past week I found that guilt arose. The guilt stemmed from the fact that I wasn't working on a screenplay instead. After all, I've been training in the craft of screenwriting, then why wasn't I continuing to do that?
Which brings me back to the original question...
What do I really want out of life?
Ultimately, what I really want is to be at peace. Then, how do I maintain peace when guilt arises? Eckhart Tolle teaches that the guilt, shame, fear, or any other disturbing or uncomfortable emotions we feel are due to our identification with the incessant "voice in the head." It's the voice that labels situations as good or bad, judges, analyzes, reviews old conversations, brings up the past, etcetera. Or what Jill Bolte Taylor (Stroke of Insight) calls the "left brain chatter."
My intention this week is to combine last week's technique of not resisting whatever arises, including guilt, and creating more space between thoughts.
How does one create space between thoughts?
Those of who are familiar with the practices of mindfulness or meditation know that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just there doing their thing like digestion. Those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, go to your breath right now and see if a thought arises while you take that breath. A thought cannot possibly arise when your attention is on your breath. To create space between the chatter and the peace underneath it, we need to place ourselves in the role of an observer. The more we observe our thoughts without identifying with them or taking them personally, the more space we create.
The techniques that I use are: going to the breath, going to the body (what does a thought feel like in my body), and watching my thoughts without judging their content (and forgiving myself if I forget :)).
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be able to stay focused on what I'm doing regardless of guilt arising. Intellectually, I always know that I am not my guilt. It's just an energy vibration that comes in and out. Then, how do I connect to that knowing in the midst of guilt arising? I can choose to watch the vibrational energy for as long as it takes before it passes. And as everything in life, it will pass.
How can you join me in creating space inside?
You can practice observing your thoughts this week, as well as allowing whatever arises to be there, and watch it pass on by.
Just for this week, "I am watching my thoughts as they arise and I'm letting them pass me by."
Thank you.
Not resisting what happens last week has led me to start writing a novel. I'm not questioning why I want to write that particular story as a novel, not as a screenplay, which is what I've been working on thus far, because the rule is not to resist what happens. How did not resisting work for you?
What am I still resisting?
The truth of the matter is that I am still not in complete surrender. This past week I found that guilt arose. The guilt stemmed from the fact that I wasn't working on a screenplay instead. After all, I've been training in the craft of screenwriting, then why wasn't I continuing to do that?
Which brings me back to the original question...
What do I really want out of life?
Ultimately, what I really want is to be at peace. Then, how do I maintain peace when guilt arises? Eckhart Tolle teaches that the guilt, shame, fear, or any other disturbing or uncomfortable emotions we feel are due to our identification with the incessant "voice in the head." It's the voice that labels situations as good or bad, judges, analyzes, reviews old conversations, brings up the past, etcetera. Or what Jill Bolte Taylor (Stroke of Insight) calls the "left brain chatter."
My intention this week is to combine last week's technique of not resisting whatever arises, including guilt, and creating more space between thoughts.
How does one create space between thoughts?
Those of who are familiar with the practices of mindfulness or meditation know that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just there doing their thing like digestion. Those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, go to your breath right now and see if a thought arises while you take that breath. A thought cannot possibly arise when your attention is on your breath. To create space between the chatter and the peace underneath it, we need to place ourselves in the role of an observer. The more we observe our thoughts without identifying with them or taking them personally, the more space we create.
The techniques that I use are: going to the breath, going to the body (what does a thought feel like in my body), and watching my thoughts without judging their content (and forgiving myself if I forget :)).
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be able to stay focused on what I'm doing regardless of guilt arising. Intellectually, I always know that I am not my guilt. It's just an energy vibration that comes in and out. Then, how do I connect to that knowing in the midst of guilt arising? I can choose to watch the vibrational energy for as long as it takes before it passes. And as everything in life, it will pass.
How can you join me in creating space inside?
You can practice observing your thoughts this week, as well as allowing whatever arises to be there, and watch it pass on by.
Just for this week, "I am watching my thoughts as they arise and I'm letting them pass me by."
Thank you.
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