The process of growing up is the process of letting go. It felt only natural to change the title of this Blog from Creating Me to Un-Creating Me. Creating me sounds like I want to add something to myself when the experience of self-realization is quite the opposite. It's the chipping away of the "ME." All self-inquiry and all experience leads to the discovery that there is no ME. One student reported beautifully to GangaJi that ALL PAST IS PERFECT AS IT IS AND IT IS ALSO NON-EXISTENT.
I did Byron Katie's Work yesterday on a family member with the ongoing belief I have about that person. The belief being that they should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world.
Can you know with absolute certainty that that person should not be self-absorbed?
The answer I got was no, I can't know that because I don't know what their self-absorbed world looks like to them. What other way could they be? If they could be any other way, they would be.
How do you react internally and externally when you believe the thought that they should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world?
I am hurt because they're not giving me the attention I want. I feel sorry for myself because It's all about them and I can't tell that person my story. (In this part of self-inquiry, it helps to jot down the new beliefs that come up like "I can't tell that person my story. It's all about them. I feel sorry for myself" and set them aside to look at later.)
How do you treat that person when you believe that thought?
I don't call them. I don't feel like hanging out with them. I don't want to share anything with them. I compartmentalize my relationship with them.
Does the thought bring you stress or peace?
Do you believe something terrible would happen if you no longer had that belief?
Can you see a reason to let the belief go? I'm not asking you to? I'm just asking if you can see a reason.
Yes. The relationship would be more playful and not so serious.
Who would you be without the thought that they should be able to look outside their own self-absorbed world?
I would be open and accepting. I would let it all in.
Turning it around:
They shouldn't be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world.
Find three genuine examples of how that's true
1. They shouldn't because they don't.
2. They shouldn't because it helps me stay more alert and present.
3. They shouldn't because it helps me look at my own reactions.
Another turn around could be:
I'm not seeing outside my own self-absorbed world.
Find three genuine examples of how that turn around is true:
1. I'm focused on how I can't tell my own story when I believe that the person is self-consumed.
2. I'm focused on how it's making me feel.
3. I withdraw.
The inquiry went on for a while that included questions like:
1. Can you recall the time in your early life when you believed that that person should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world?
2. What do you see when you no longer believe that thought? What's the interaction like with that person without that thought?
I realized that without the thought, that person was reaching out to get love. Without the thought, it was the way that person was communicating with me. Without the thought, the interaction is perfect as it is.