The process of growing up is the process of letting go. It felt only natural to change the title of this Blog from Creating Me to Un-Creating Me. Creating me sounds like I want to add something to myself when the experience of self-realization is quite the opposite. It's the chipping away of the "ME." All self-inquiry and all experience leads to the discovery that there is no ME. One student reported beautifully to GangaJi that ALL PAST IS PERFECT AS IT IS AND IT IS ALSO NON-EXISTENT.
I did Byron Katie's Work yesterday on a family member with the ongoing belief I have about that person. The belief being that they should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world.
Can you know with absolute certainty that that person should not be self-absorbed?
The answer I got was no, I can't know that because I don't know what their self-absorbed world looks like to them. What other way could they be? If they could be any other way, they would be.
How do you react internally and externally when you believe the thought that they should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world?
I am hurt because they're not giving me the attention I want. I feel sorry for myself because It's all about them and I can't tell that person my story. (In this part of self-inquiry, it helps to jot down the new beliefs that come up like "I can't tell that person my story. It's all about them. I feel sorry for myself" and set them aside to look at later.)
How do you treat that person when you believe that thought?
I don't call them. I don't feel like hanging out with them. I don't want to share anything with them. I compartmentalize my relationship with them.
Does the thought bring you stress or peace?
Stress.
Do you believe something terrible would happen if you no longer had that belief?
No.
Can you see a reason to let the belief go? I'm not asking you to? I'm just asking if you can see a reason.
Yes. The relationship would be more playful and not so serious.
Who would you be without the thought that they should be able to look outside their own self-absorbed world?
I would be open and accepting. I would let it all in.
Turning it around:
They shouldn't be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world.
Find three genuine examples of how that's true
1. They shouldn't because they don't.
2. They shouldn't because it helps me stay more alert and present.
3. They shouldn't because it helps me look at my own reactions.
Another turn around could be:
I'm not seeing outside my own self-absorbed world.
Find three genuine examples of how that turn around is true:
1. I'm focused on how I can't tell my own story when I believe that the person is self-consumed.
2. I'm focused on how it's making me feel.
3. I withdraw.
Reflection
The inquiry went on for a while that included questions like:
1. Can you recall the time in your early life when you believed that that person should be able to see outside their own self-absorbed world?
2. What do you see when you no longer believe that thought? What's the interaction like with that person without that thought?
I realized that without the thought, that person was reaching out to get love. Without the thought, it was the way that person was communicating with me. Without the thought, the interaction is perfect as it is.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
What do you want to keep?
Below is an excerpt from a self-inquiry I did today facilitated by Gangaji from a retreat she did The Jewel in Disillusionment. I added questions that helped me get into it further. Feel free to follow along with me. With each question, I took all the time I needed to answer genuinely. The way you know that you're getting close to uncovering something is if you get the feeling like you don't want to go there. Go there!
What do you want to keep?
I want to keep a roof over my head, my job, my car, my health.
What do you really want to keep?
My relationships, sanghas, the knowledge of inner peace, insights, realizations, clarity, aliveness, energy, peace.
What do you want to control?
What job I have. What job I never want to have. My moods. Choosing when to get tired and when to keep going, when to see people I love and when not to see people that frustrate me. Getting inspired.
If you could keep what you want to keep what would that really give you?
Security. Balance. Control.
If you lose what you want to keep, what's left?
Boredom. I took a nap and had some tea.
After coming back, I had energy again and I was not bored anymore.
Reflection
This inquiry did not stir any deep emotions, but I did see where I want to have control. It allowed me to be with what is and take a nap when I felt tired instead of feeling bad about being tired. I also realized that it takes more energy to seek out inspiration than to be inspired.
As for clarity, when there's no time to digest what I've realized or had clarity about, then I'm still clear.
I didn't get a clear answer to the question, if I lose what I want to keep, what's left. Then again, clarity is a realization that there's no state of resolution. I left it at that. I have many intellectual answers to that question, but none that were coming from the heart. The heart kept silent.
What do you want to keep?
I want to keep a roof over my head, my job, my car, my health.
What do you really want to keep?
My relationships, sanghas, the knowledge of inner peace, insights, realizations, clarity, aliveness, energy, peace.
What do you want to control?
What job I have. What job I never want to have. My moods. Choosing when to get tired and when to keep going, when to see people I love and when not to see people that frustrate me. Getting inspired.
If you could keep what you want to keep what would that really give you?
Security. Balance. Control.
If you lose what you want to keep, what's left?
Boredom. I took a nap and had some tea.
After coming back, I had energy again and I was not bored anymore.
Reflection
This inquiry did not stir any deep emotions, but I did see where I want to have control. It allowed me to be with what is and take a nap when I felt tired instead of feeling bad about being tired. I also realized that it takes more energy to seek out inspiration than to be inspired.
As for clarity, when there's no time to digest what I've realized or had clarity about, then I'm still clear.
I didn't get a clear answer to the question, if I lose what I want to keep, what's left. Then again, clarity is a realization that there's no state of resolution. I left it at that. I have many intellectual answers to that question, but none that were coming from the heart. The heart kept silent.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Completely Incompletable
You write and you write one story, not knowing when you'll finish it, if ever, but knowing that once it's done you will finally hear the sound of one hand clapping. But when the moment comes, it's like a little death. Suddenly, you've got nothing left. And then you feel like eating something really good to celebrate the finality of something. But you know deep down that that won't fill you up and it won't complete the experience because the experience is inherently incompletable. Then you think, maybe sharing the experience with a friend will help, but that too turns out to be an illusory sense of self-enhancement. What do you do?
As I'm sitting here at Buzz Coffee on Beverly, I'm realizing there's nothing to do but to continue sitting.
"What about the rewrite?" my mind wants to know. But what I'm really thinking about is the end result.
Right action is only appropriate in the moment it's needed. What's the right action now?
Nothing is coming up, but I'm not as worried as I used to be in a similar situation.
10 minutes later:
I got an impulse to read an excerpt from Peter Brown's book and I came across the questioner saying "sometimes the words come together in just the right way..." and Peter answering, "my approach is if you throw enough words out, kind of like a million monkeys pounding on a million typewriters, sooner or later you'll say something meaningful..."
That pretty much answers my rewriting question.
As I'm sitting here at Buzz Coffee on Beverly, I'm realizing there's nothing to do but to continue sitting.
"What about the rewrite?" my mind wants to know. But what I'm really thinking about is the end result.
Right action is only appropriate in the moment it's needed. What's the right action now?
Nothing is coming up, but I'm not as worried as I used to be in a similar situation.
10 minutes later:
I got an impulse to read an excerpt from Peter Brown's book and I came across the questioner saying "sometimes the words come together in just the right way..." and Peter answering, "my approach is if you throw enough words out, kind of like a million monkeys pounding on a million typewriters, sooner or later you'll say something meaningful..."
That pretty much answers my rewriting question.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
What do the neurotic thoughts have to do with it?
The Inquiry
What will happen to my writing without the neurotic thoughts I have about it?
I've been catching my thoughts on the fly. Some of which are:
I need to write
Should I write?
Is this a good time to write?
I can't figure out that part, figures.
Should I change the story because I can't figure out that part?
This part makes me feel yucky.
Am I ever going to finish this story?
What about the other stories I started?
On and on and on and on...
The inquiry starts here. The writing itself has nothing to do with the thoughts I have about it. When it happens, it happens all by itself without the intrusions of mind. The only thing these thoughts affect are my mental state. The writing doesn't care. It happens on its own when the thoughts about it get out of the way.
Who would I be without these thoughts?
Isn't that the ultimate question. Who am I without the habitual thoughts that accompany me for no other reason but to keep themselves alive?
Reflection
I've been noticing that the act of writing is much more harmonious without my thinking about it beforehand or after. And if something else comes up instead of writing, that too is not a problem when I don't make stories about how it should be.
Today for instance, I'm taking a day off from writing or thinking about writing. Thoughts arose here and there, but I focused on other things like dusting, taking a walk, listening to the external sounds, and noticing my breath. It has been relaxing thus far. I did feel inclined to write a blog about it. But there were no neurotic questions like "should I do it or not" beforehand.
What will happen to my writing without the neurotic thoughts I have about it?
I've been catching my thoughts on the fly. Some of which are:
I need to write
Should I write?
Is this a good time to write?
I can't figure out that part, figures.
Should I change the story because I can't figure out that part?
This part makes me feel yucky.
Am I ever going to finish this story?
What about the other stories I started?
On and on and on and on...
The inquiry starts here. The writing itself has nothing to do with the thoughts I have about it. When it happens, it happens all by itself without the intrusions of mind. The only thing these thoughts affect are my mental state. The writing doesn't care. It happens on its own when the thoughts about it get out of the way.
Who would I be without these thoughts?
Isn't that the ultimate question. Who am I without the habitual thoughts that accompany me for no other reason but to keep themselves alive?
Reflection
I've been noticing that the act of writing is much more harmonious without my thinking about it beforehand or after. And if something else comes up instead of writing, that too is not a problem when I don't make stories about how it should be.
Today for instance, I'm taking a day off from writing or thinking about writing. Thoughts arose here and there, but I focused on other things like dusting, taking a walk, listening to the external sounds, and noticing my breath. It has been relaxing thus far. I did feel inclined to write a blog about it. But there were no neurotic questions like "should I do it or not" beforehand.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Who's Motivating Whom?
What is motivation?
After drinking the new toffee mocha at Starbucks, I got more energy than I knew what to do with; yet, I was not motivated to do anything in particular. I concluded that having more energy does not equal motivation. But motivation, on the other hand, does equal energy.
Peter Brown, a teacher of "reality" or the awakened state, writes in his new book "Dirty Enlightenment: the inherent perfection of imperfection," that we have nothing to do with motivation. We don't have the power to produce it or instill in ourselves or remove it. It already is how it is. It's a done deal. All we're doing is watching it unfold.
What motivated me to write about motivation?
I came to Insomnia coffee shop to work on my story, yet, I went up to the counter, asked the coffee girl what the password to the Internet was, and opened the blog page to write about this. I never ask for the internet password. I do all my Internet stuff at home. If I go to a coffee it is to get motivated to work on story.
Ever since I've been allowing for whatever happens to happen, I've been feeling more and more like I'm not in the driver's seat. It is much more relaxing and joyous not to be in the driver's seat. But then again, did I allow for whatever to happen to happen or did it do it all by itself? Where did the motivation come from?
Peter Brown points out that motivation comes from the same place we do. We didn't birth ourselves in much the same way as we did not birth motivation. The birthing process has been unfolding long before we became aware of ourselves. Motivation has been unfolding long before we knew what we're motivated to do or not to do.
The way I see it, it's not as important to know where the motivation comes from, as it is to be here in order to watch it unfold.
After drinking the new toffee mocha at Starbucks, I got more energy than I knew what to do with; yet, I was not motivated to do anything in particular. I concluded that having more energy does not equal motivation. But motivation, on the other hand, does equal energy.
Peter Brown, a teacher of "reality" or the awakened state, writes in his new book "Dirty Enlightenment: the inherent perfection of imperfection," that we have nothing to do with motivation. We don't have the power to produce it or instill in ourselves or remove it. It already is how it is. It's a done deal. All we're doing is watching it unfold.
What motivated me to write about motivation?
I came to Insomnia coffee shop to work on my story, yet, I went up to the counter, asked the coffee girl what the password to the Internet was, and opened the blog page to write about this. I never ask for the internet password. I do all my Internet stuff at home. If I go to a coffee it is to get motivated to work on story.
Ever since I've been allowing for whatever happens to happen, I've been feeling more and more like I'm not in the driver's seat. It is much more relaxing and joyous not to be in the driver's seat. But then again, did I allow for whatever to happen to happen or did it do it all by itself? Where did the motivation come from?
Peter Brown points out that motivation comes from the same place we do. We didn't birth ourselves in much the same way as we did not birth motivation. The birthing process has been unfolding long before we became aware of ourselves. Motivation has been unfolding long before we knew what we're motivated to do or not to do.
The way I see it, it's not as important to know where the motivation comes from, as it is to be here in order to watch it unfold.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Stopping Doing
I want to do so many things and I don't know where to start. I haven't even finished what I started and I'm already planning something else. What should I do?
STOP!
Stop doing?
YES.
But I want to do something.
THE RIGHT ACTION WILL COME OUT OF ITSELF.
What should I do in the meantime?
NOTHING.
Isn't that wasting time?
TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO IS WASTING TIME. BY STOPPING YOU'RE SEEING WHAT WANTS TO BE DONE RITH NOW.
My heart is beating really fast like I'm having anxiety.
DON'T CALL THE SENSATION ANYTHING. JUST FEEL THE SENSATION ITSELF.
Thoughts like "I should be doing this or that" are arising.
LET THEM AND CONTINUE SITTING.
I went off into fantasy land.
COME BACK AND CONTINUE SITTING.
Am I waiting for an answer?
NO. DON'T WAIT.
Nothing is coming up, but the anxiety is gone.
Reflection
We don't always need to know what to do. Sometimes stopping doing is the only thing we can do.
STOP!
Stop doing?
YES.
But I want to do something.
THE RIGHT ACTION WILL COME OUT OF ITSELF.
What should I do in the meantime?
NOTHING.
Isn't that wasting time?
TRYING TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO IS WASTING TIME. BY STOPPING YOU'RE SEEING WHAT WANTS TO BE DONE RITH NOW.
My heart is beating really fast like I'm having anxiety.
DON'T CALL THE SENSATION ANYTHING. JUST FEEL THE SENSATION ITSELF.
Thoughts like "I should be doing this or that" are arising.
LET THEM AND CONTINUE SITTING.
I went off into fantasy land.
COME BACK AND CONTINUE SITTING.
Am I waiting for an answer?
NO. DON'T WAIT.
Nothing is coming up, but the anxiety is gone.
Reflection
We don't always need to know what to do. Sometimes stopping doing is the only thing we can do.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Heart Walking
When is the time to stay and when is the time to walk away?
Each person within each moment is unique. The way you feel about each person in each moment is unique. There is no set rule that when this happens, you should stay and take it, and when that happens, you should leave.
I was pulled to leave, but my mind told me "you're reacting and you should stay and see what you're reacting to."
You're going to act in accordance with how you're going to act in that moment. Once the action is taken, then there's momentum. If you've taken an action that's different from most other times in a similar situation, then the mind will come in and try and reconcile this difference. There's no use in trying not to have these thoughts, because they are a part of the momentum.
Then, I should just accept my actions and move on?
You shouldn't do anything. Just notice. By trying to accept your actions, you're putting on another blindfold. Acceptance and moving on is the natural result of letting it be. If you feel like you've done wrong, then be with that. If you feel like you're justified, then be with that. If thoughts are justifying, then let them be. If you feel like apologizing, then do that.
Wouldn't people continue hurting others if they think their actions have no consequences by letting it all be?
All actions have consequences and you let that be as well.
I don't know if I can let things be all the time.
And that too. :)
Reflection
I had a situation arise with a person close to me. It wasn't really a situation as more of a typical action-reaction pattern that we've been involved in for years. Usually, I tend to act in a certain way, which involves, being there and taking it, no matter what. This time, I didn't stay and take it. I left. I didn't add any flowery words with my leaving. I just said that I was going and left. Then, the mind came in and tried to rationalize this difference in my behavior.
I went to the park and I just stayed with this inner conflict. I didn't do anything about it. I didn't try and rectify anything. I let it be. Something deeper within me told me that this is where I'm supposed to be.
We don't always trust that deeper knowing because of how the outer circumstances look. But if we stop and listen, then we can hear when we're being guided for our own interest at heart.
Join me in walking away when our heart is telling us to.
Thank you!
Each person within each moment is unique. The way you feel about each person in each moment is unique. There is no set rule that when this happens, you should stay and take it, and when that happens, you should leave.
I was pulled to leave, but my mind told me "you're reacting and you should stay and see what you're reacting to."
You're going to act in accordance with how you're going to act in that moment. Once the action is taken, then there's momentum. If you've taken an action that's different from most other times in a similar situation, then the mind will come in and try and reconcile this difference. There's no use in trying not to have these thoughts, because they are a part of the momentum.
Then, I should just accept my actions and move on?
You shouldn't do anything. Just notice. By trying to accept your actions, you're putting on another blindfold. Acceptance and moving on is the natural result of letting it be. If you feel like you've done wrong, then be with that. If you feel like you're justified, then be with that. If thoughts are justifying, then let them be. If you feel like apologizing, then do that.
Wouldn't people continue hurting others if they think their actions have no consequences by letting it all be?
All actions have consequences and you let that be as well.
I don't know if I can let things be all the time.
And that too. :)
Reflection
I had a situation arise with a person close to me. It wasn't really a situation as more of a typical action-reaction pattern that we've been involved in for years. Usually, I tend to act in a certain way, which involves, being there and taking it, no matter what. This time, I didn't stay and take it. I left. I didn't add any flowery words with my leaving. I just said that I was going and left. Then, the mind came in and tried to rationalize this difference in my behavior.
I went to the park and I just stayed with this inner conflict. I didn't do anything about it. I didn't try and rectify anything. I let it be. Something deeper within me told me that this is where I'm supposed to be.
We don't always trust that deeper knowing because of how the outer circumstances look. But if we stop and listen, then we can hear when we're being guided for our own interest at heart.
Join me in walking away when our heart is telling us to.
Thank you!
Friday, August 27, 2010
How do I improve my situation?
How do I improve my situation?
Let's look at that question or thought closely. That thought implies that there is a situation and that it needs to be improved.
What is a situation?
It's what my mind perceives to be the reality.
What's the reality now?
I'm sitting in my room, typing. And my mind says that I should be doing something to improve my situation. It's not even my mind. It's the discomfort inside my chest.
What is that discomfort? Can you stop typing and sit with it?
I sat for about 10 minutes. At first, I was dehydrated and needed water immediately, but I didn't get myself any, I continued sitting. Then the dehydration turned to fatigue and I wanted to lie down. As I continued to sit with it, I felt a pang in my heart and I heard the word, "worthlessness." Is that why I want to improve my situation so that I don't feel worthless?
Can you actually feel the worthlessness? Don't answer right away it. Feel it.
I sat for another 10 minutes. My mind immediately tried to search for an answer and I spaced out. I kept jumping from my journal to my breath. When I placed more of my attention on my breath than my thinking, then the feeling subsided and I felt nothing. Worthlessness feels like nothing in particular.
Who are you without the thought, "How do I improve my situation?"
Nobody.
Reflection
There are these thoughts, especially when I first wake up, that I need to do something other than what I'm doing or not doing. My mind tells me, "it's not enough, you need to do more." Maybe that's true and maybe it isn't, but by looking at the root of such thoughts, I'm discovering that there is no root. It's like I've been programmed to believe that I have to think these thoughts in order to do something. When in reality, I'm already doing something with or without these thoughts. It feels like this unnecessary added pressure to fulfill an image that doesn't exist.
Join me in doing what we're already doing, not what we "think" we should be doing.
Thank you!
Let's look at that question or thought closely. That thought implies that there is a situation and that it needs to be improved.
What is a situation?
It's what my mind perceives to be the reality.
What's the reality now?
I'm sitting in my room, typing. And my mind says that I should be doing something to improve my situation. It's not even my mind. It's the discomfort inside my chest.
What is that discomfort? Can you stop typing and sit with it?
I sat for about 10 minutes. At first, I was dehydrated and needed water immediately, but I didn't get myself any, I continued sitting. Then the dehydration turned to fatigue and I wanted to lie down. As I continued to sit with it, I felt a pang in my heart and I heard the word, "worthlessness." Is that why I want to improve my situation so that I don't feel worthless?
Can you actually feel the worthlessness? Don't answer right away it. Feel it.
I sat for another 10 minutes. My mind immediately tried to search for an answer and I spaced out. I kept jumping from my journal to my breath. When I placed more of my attention on my breath than my thinking, then the feeling subsided and I felt nothing. Worthlessness feels like nothing in particular.
Who are you without the thought, "How do I improve my situation?"
Nobody.
Reflection
There are these thoughts, especially when I first wake up, that I need to do something other than what I'm doing or not doing. My mind tells me, "it's not enough, you need to do more." Maybe that's true and maybe it isn't, but by looking at the root of such thoughts, I'm discovering that there is no root. It's like I've been programmed to believe that I have to think these thoughts in order to do something. When in reality, I'm already doing something with or without these thoughts. It feels like this unnecessary added pressure to fulfill an image that doesn't exist.
Join me in doing what we're already doing, not what we "think" we should be doing.
Thank you!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
What is mood?
"I'm not in the mood."
What do you mean?
"I don't feel like doing it."
You don't feel like doing what?
"I don't feel like writing, working out, getting out of bed, living."
What does not feeling like doing the above have anything to do with anything?
"Don't I have to be in the mood to be inspired to do things?"
Who told you that?
"Everyone."
Why don't you just do whatever it is you're not in the mood for?
"Because not being in the mood for it is what's causing me not to do it in the first place."
Do it first and then think about not being in the mood for it.
"That doesn't make any sense."
Let's start from the beginning: What is mood?
"It's a state of being."
What does mood feel like?
"It depends on which mood you're in."
Let's say you're not in the mood to do something. What does that feel like?
"It feels like dread. I know I should do it and immediately the feelings of guilt arise, yet I still can't make myself do the task."
What does guilt feel like?
"Like I'm sick to my stomach and I'm going to throw up. But writing it out like this has diminished the feeling considerably."
What are you feeling now?
"Less anxious and worried about what it is that I should be doing."
And what do you feel like doing now?
"Writing creating me post."
Moods are like clouds up above our heads and they stay just long enough to cast the shadow. What tends to happen is that we get stuck under the shadow even though the cloud has long gone. We live our lives attaching to overcasts and letting them carry us every which way. In the above conversation, I could clearly see how I allowed the mood I was in to drag me around until I really looked at it.
The more we look at the inner conflict at hand like the mood we are in or the emotion we are experiencing, the overcast starts to slowly, but surely dissolve. It cannot sustain itself in our awareness of it. Just by looking at our moods, we are moving beyond them.
Join me in observing our moods.
Thank you.
What do you mean?
"I don't feel like doing it."
You don't feel like doing what?
"I don't feel like writing, working out, getting out of bed, living."
What does not feeling like doing the above have anything to do with anything?
"Don't I have to be in the mood to be inspired to do things?"
Who told you that?
"Everyone."
Why don't you just do whatever it is you're not in the mood for?
"Because not being in the mood for it is what's causing me not to do it in the first place."
Do it first and then think about not being in the mood for it.
"That doesn't make any sense."
Let's start from the beginning: What is mood?
"It's a state of being."
What does mood feel like?
"It depends on which mood you're in."
Let's say you're not in the mood to do something. What does that feel like?
"It feels like dread. I know I should do it and immediately the feelings of guilt arise, yet I still can't make myself do the task."
What does guilt feel like?
"Like I'm sick to my stomach and I'm going to throw up. But writing it out like this has diminished the feeling considerably."
What are you feeling now?
"Less anxious and worried about what it is that I should be doing."
And what do you feel like doing now?
"Writing creating me post."
Moods are like clouds up above our heads and they stay just long enough to cast the shadow. What tends to happen is that we get stuck under the shadow even though the cloud has long gone. We live our lives attaching to overcasts and letting them carry us every which way. In the above conversation, I could clearly see how I allowed the mood I was in to drag me around until I really looked at it.
The more we look at the inner conflict at hand like the mood we are in or the emotion we are experiencing, the overcast starts to slowly, but surely dissolve. It cannot sustain itself in our awareness of it. Just by looking at our moods, we are moving beyond them.
Join me in observing our moods.
Thank you.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
City Noise Has a Voice
I am sitting in the Zen dome with my eyes half-open, half-closed, with my hands on top of each other, and my thumbs slightly touching. I shift my body right and left, back and forth, and take three full breaths. My intention is to concentrate on my breath and allow thoughts to fade away like mist. I hear the sound of the bell DING! It's time to start sitting in silence.
Three seconds after hearing the relaxing bell, I hear BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Following the car alarm, an ice cream truck, playing the music we used to salivate over as children, parks what feels like right outside the window where I am sitting. It makes a home next to me for the next half an hour, which is approximately how long my first sitting session lasts. It doesn't end there. Ambulances, helicopters, cars, arguments, channel news, and other city noise penetrate the dome of silence.
As I'm sitting there, I ask myself are these noises penetrating the dome or are they penetrating me? Of course, the point of meditation is not to ask questions, but to allow whatever arises to be there, without judgement. That is exactly what I do to the best of my ability. I'm listening to the noise out there along with listening to the disturbance I'm experiencing inside of me. With each disturbing noise, I place more and more attention on my breath. Undeterminable amount of time later, I am no longer listening to the noise and my breath, I am the noise. I and the noise are one. My breath and the noise are one. Everything out there stays exactly how it is, but I am no longer this separate person who is bothered or not bothered. I am what's out there and what's out there is me.
Reflecting upon the above experience, I realized that I had a first-hand glimpse of what all true spiritual teachers are talking about. Everything that happens out there is actually inside of me. There is no out there. Even the city noise has a voice and that voice is me and that voice is you and that voice is us.
Join me in letting the noise in so we can hear the silence from within.
Thank you!
Three seconds after hearing the relaxing bell, I hear BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Following the car alarm, an ice cream truck, playing the music we used to salivate over as children, parks what feels like right outside the window where I am sitting. It makes a home next to me for the next half an hour, which is approximately how long my first sitting session lasts. It doesn't end there. Ambulances, helicopters, cars, arguments, channel news, and other city noise penetrate the dome of silence.
As I'm sitting there, I ask myself are these noises penetrating the dome or are they penetrating me? Of course, the point of meditation is not to ask questions, but to allow whatever arises to be there, without judgement. That is exactly what I do to the best of my ability. I'm listening to the noise out there along with listening to the disturbance I'm experiencing inside of me. With each disturbing noise, I place more and more attention on my breath. Undeterminable amount of time later, I am no longer listening to the noise and my breath, I am the noise. I and the noise are one. My breath and the noise are one. Everything out there stays exactly how it is, but I am no longer this separate person who is bothered or not bothered. I am what's out there and what's out there is me.
Reflecting upon the above experience, I realized that I had a first-hand glimpse of what all true spiritual teachers are talking about. Everything that happens out there is actually inside of me. There is no out there. Even the city noise has a voice and that voice is me and that voice is you and that voice is us.
Join me in letting the noise in so we can hear the silence from within.
Thank you!
Monday, August 2, 2010
What is security?
Will I not still die? Will I not experience pain once I reach a certain amount of security? Will I not still lose people near and dear to me?
My intention is not to scare you, but to bring reality into light. What is security? We all strive for it, whether it'd be securing ourselves financially, socially, or spiritually. Whenever we experience slight discomfort inside, we run to our safe places: "at least I have this" or "at least I have that." But what do we really have that we cannot lose? It only leaves who we are in our essence, the depth of our being. Eckhart Tolle calls it the "stillness within."
Why am I bringing this up now, you may ask? Because I have been catching myself making decisions and acting based on this assumption of "what's more secure?" And the realization that I've been having is that nothing is more secure. That's the trick and the trap that we fall into everywhere we turn unless we turn within.
It does not mean that we have to try and fight the idea of security out of our minds. We would not be able to even if we tried. It is just a matter of noticing that it's there. For now, looking at it is enough.
Join me in looking at security for what it really is.
Thank you!
My intention is not to scare you, but to bring reality into light. What is security? We all strive for it, whether it'd be securing ourselves financially, socially, or spiritually. Whenever we experience slight discomfort inside, we run to our safe places: "at least I have this" or "at least I have that." But what do we really have that we cannot lose? It only leaves who we are in our essence, the depth of our being. Eckhart Tolle calls it the "stillness within."
Why am I bringing this up now, you may ask? Because I have been catching myself making decisions and acting based on this assumption of "what's more secure?" And the realization that I've been having is that nothing is more secure. That's the trick and the trap that we fall into everywhere we turn unless we turn within.
It does not mean that we have to try and fight the idea of security out of our minds. We would not be able to even if we tried. It is just a matter of noticing that it's there. For now, looking at it is enough.
Join me in looking at security for what it really is.
Thank you!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
If I didn't want you to have it, I wouldn't give it you
Which way should I go? What should I do? The typical questions of the indecisive mind.
"Before falling in love with a thought, go there first." - Eckhart Tolle
Life has been nudging me to go there first and to keep going on daily basis. In the past week, I've been experiencing inner conflict as to what path to choose. Inner conflict and anxiety arise whenever I choose to sit and do nothing, but worry about that I should be doing something. Or doing one thing and worrying about that I should be doing another.
Here's where living intentionally transforms inner conflict to inner peace:
- Bringing our full attention into activities or non-activities that we are already doing or not doing.
- Shutting down doubts by reminding ourselves that we won't know if the thing that we are working on is IT until we try it first. If it is, then we need to keep doing that. And if it is not, then we can move on and choose differently knowing that it wasn't IT, in which case it is still not a mistake because it showed us the way to go.
- Navigating around defeatist thoughts by knowing the difference between fear and foreboding. My Reiki Master pointed out the difference between the two. Foreboding is an intuitive feeling that we should not do something. There is no fear around it, it's more like a feeling. Fear is when we start feeling anxious about the situation and we start rationalizing why we should not do it. Let's see where Life takes us when fear is NOT a factor.
- It's not about the end result. It's about the moment in which action or non-action happens. It's about enjoying the challenges and doing things for fun. Remember the time when we did things just because. Let's bring that aimless, childish drive into our activities today. If the answer is needed, it will come. If a specific person is needed, he or she will too come.
I heard the following words inside my mind's eye: "If I did not want you to have it, I would not give it to you."
Join me in transforming inner conflict to inner peace.
Thank you!
"Before falling in love with a thought, go there first." - Eckhart Tolle
Life has been nudging me to go there first and to keep going on daily basis. In the past week, I've been experiencing inner conflict as to what path to choose. Inner conflict and anxiety arise whenever I choose to sit and do nothing, but worry about that I should be doing something. Or doing one thing and worrying about that I should be doing another.
Here's where living intentionally transforms inner conflict to inner peace:
- Bringing our full attention into activities or non-activities that we are already doing or not doing.
- Shutting down doubts by reminding ourselves that we won't know if the thing that we are working on is IT until we try it first. If it is, then we need to keep doing that. And if it is not, then we can move on and choose differently knowing that it wasn't IT, in which case it is still not a mistake because it showed us the way to go.
- Navigating around defeatist thoughts by knowing the difference between fear and foreboding. My Reiki Master pointed out the difference between the two. Foreboding is an intuitive feeling that we should not do something. There is no fear around it, it's more like a feeling. Fear is when we start feeling anxious about the situation and we start rationalizing why we should not do it. Let's see where Life takes us when fear is NOT a factor.
- It's not about the end result. It's about the moment in which action or non-action happens. It's about enjoying the challenges and doing things for fun. Remember the time when we did things just because. Let's bring that aimless, childish drive into our activities today. If the answer is needed, it will come. If a specific person is needed, he or she will too come.
I heard the following words inside my mind's eye: "If I did not want you to have it, I would not give it to you."
Join me in transforming inner conflict to inner peace.
Thank you!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Over-analysis Kills
An inner curiosity told me “watch the discovery channel.” I got all excited and my body moved me toward the remote control and then I stopped mid-way because my mind went, “Wait! Why do you wanna watch the discovery channel right now? Don’t you have better things to do? Shouldn’t you be writing instead of watching TV?” But it didn’t feel like one of those times when I wanted to veg out in front of the TV. It was a deeper curiosity. It was not even a thought, but more like a burp – involuntary gut reaction. It’s what some people would call intuitive guidance, which I completely missed because my mind came and began to question it. That said, I am letting go of missing the guidance because it will come again and is coming now.
HOW NOT TO KILL LIFE'S GUIDANCE WITH OVER-ANALYSIS
We are being guided all the time, but keep missing it with over-analysis. Watching the discovery channel in that moment could have been the answer to a plot point I was looking for or whatever. No need to dwell in the past; however, it did give me a nudge to pay attention to intuitive signals without mentally raping them first, pardon the language.
Join me in following our higher intuitive power without killing it first by:
First - Listening... to our intuitive signals, which are any inkling of aliveness inside our body. It's when we suddenly feel more awake, energetic, or inspired toward something - even if it's sitting in the chair and watching the birds. It's nothing more or less than what feels good.
Second - Following it without questioning. By following it we are trusting Life to work through us and do what's best for us. If questions arise, it's best to set them aside by reminding ourselves, "It's just mental work in process. Nothing to panic about." The brain does its thing and Life does its thing. When we listen to our brain, we worry, which is always a good sign to watch out for. When we listen to Life, peace always accompanies it.
Third - Following what feels good, not what feels bad. Be mindful of opposing thought that give rise to the "yucky" feelings. We don't even need to know what the mind is doing because the body will tell us immediately. When I stopped myself from watching the discovery channel, my stomach churned. But be careful not to fall into the trap of "eating ice cream feels good right about now instead of hiking," because if we look closely we don't really want the ice cream, we just don't want to experience the emotions that lie underneath. Geneen Roth writes extensively on the subject of "it's never about the food" in her book Women, Food, and God.
Last, but not least - Enjoying the sweet fruits of living aligned with Life. We know it's Life and not us when peace and ease follows the intuitive guidance.
Thank you!
HOW NOT TO KILL LIFE'S GUIDANCE WITH OVER-ANALYSIS
We are being guided all the time, but keep missing it with over-analysis. Watching the discovery channel in that moment could have been the answer to a plot point I was looking for or whatever. No need to dwell in the past; however, it did give me a nudge to pay attention to intuitive signals without mentally raping them first, pardon the language.
Join me in following our higher intuitive power without killing it first by:
First - Listening... to our intuitive signals, which are any inkling of aliveness inside our body. It's when we suddenly feel more awake, energetic, or inspired toward something - even if it's sitting in the chair and watching the birds. It's nothing more or less than what feels good.
Second - Following it without questioning. By following it we are trusting Life to work through us and do what's best for us. If questions arise, it's best to set them aside by reminding ourselves, "It's just mental work in process. Nothing to panic about." The brain does its thing and Life does its thing. When we listen to our brain, we worry, which is always a good sign to watch out for. When we listen to Life, peace always accompanies it.
Third - Following what feels good, not what feels bad. Be mindful of opposing thought that give rise to the "yucky" feelings. We don't even need to know what the mind is doing because the body will tell us immediately. When I stopped myself from watching the discovery channel, my stomach churned. But be careful not to fall into the trap of "eating ice cream feels good right about now instead of hiking," because if we look closely we don't really want the ice cream, we just don't want to experience the emotions that lie underneath. Geneen Roth writes extensively on the subject of "it's never about the food" in her book Women, Food, and God.
Last, but not least - Enjoying the sweet fruits of living aligned with Life. We know it's Life and not us when peace and ease follows the intuitive guidance.
Thank you!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The One Step
Checking in...
In the past week I've been falling into the anxiety trap. "There is too much to do. There is not enough to do. What should I do?" are some of the thoughts that have passed through the anxious mind. Although, I know that these thoughts are not me, but are the old conditioning of the mind (it can't help itself), I still fall into the "Oh, My God, what am I going to do!" hell. And it is never about what I'm doing or not doing, it is always about what inner baggage I'm bringing to the doing.
I am accepting my mind for what it is - a producer of old, useless thoughts - and am I also kindly letting it slide and coming back to the present moment. It's only ever this moment. It's only ever this one breath. It's only ever this one step.
Creating this one step is the only one we ever need to create. We were not built to worry about what all the steps in their entirety will produce. We were not built to take on more than we are capable of. We are more than capable of taking care of the ONE thing we can do right now. I know this sounds like common sense, but do we actually follow it on day-to-day basis? If we did, then Life would be effortless. It's easy when we don't add the imaginary mental steps on top of the one step we can take now.
What is the one thing I have to do now? I am typing these words right now. There is nothing else for me to do than to type one word after another. What's the point of worrying or even thinking about the results of these words when the only thing I am actually doing in the moment is typing. Of course, I am using my brain in order to write and come up with the words. But upon closer look, in the moment of action without the extraneous thoughts about what else I could be doing or what comes after writing this post, the words come out effortlessly and without worry unlike my other experiences with writing.
How's Life calling me to serve at this moment?
"At this moment" part is the crucial part of creation. It's the only part that matters. In this moment, I am doing the one thing and in the next moment I am again doing the ONE thing. It is never two things. Even during multi-tasking, it is always the one step I am taking in each given moment. And this one step reveals the next step and the next step and the next step and before I know it, the whole thing reveals itself to me - whatever it may be.
So, how's life really calling me to serve?
It's calling me to take this one step and it will do the rest.
Join me in taking the one step, the only step you will ever need to take.
Thank you!
In the past week I've been falling into the anxiety trap. "There is too much to do. There is not enough to do. What should I do?" are some of the thoughts that have passed through the anxious mind. Although, I know that these thoughts are not me, but are the old conditioning of the mind (it can't help itself), I still fall into the "Oh, My God, what am I going to do!" hell. And it is never about what I'm doing or not doing, it is always about what inner baggage I'm bringing to the doing.
I am accepting my mind for what it is - a producer of old, useless thoughts - and am I also kindly letting it slide and coming back to the present moment. It's only ever this moment. It's only ever this one breath. It's only ever this one step.
Creating this one step is the only one we ever need to create. We were not built to worry about what all the steps in their entirety will produce. We were not built to take on more than we are capable of. We are more than capable of taking care of the ONE thing we can do right now. I know this sounds like common sense, but do we actually follow it on day-to-day basis? If we did, then Life would be effortless. It's easy when we don't add the imaginary mental steps on top of the one step we can take now.
What is the one thing I have to do now? I am typing these words right now. There is nothing else for me to do than to type one word after another. What's the point of worrying or even thinking about the results of these words when the only thing I am actually doing in the moment is typing. Of course, I am using my brain in order to write and come up with the words. But upon closer look, in the moment of action without the extraneous thoughts about what else I could be doing or what comes after writing this post, the words come out effortlessly and without worry unlike my other experiences with writing.
How's Life calling me to serve at this moment?
"At this moment" part is the crucial part of creation. It's the only part that matters. In this moment, I am doing the one thing and in the next moment I am again doing the ONE thing. It is never two things. Even during multi-tasking, it is always the one step I am taking in each given moment. And this one step reveals the next step and the next step and the next step and before I know it, the whole thing reveals itself to me - whatever it may be.
So, how's life really calling me to serve?
It's calling me to take this one step and it will do the rest.
Join me in taking the one step, the only step you will ever need to take.
Thank you!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Shake it Off!
What do you do when your mind sends you on a wild goose chase?
I've been on one of those for the past couple of days. Most of the time, I am aware when my mind starts getting away from me and I perch up like an owl and stay alert. However, a few days before the start of my period, my mind takes me on a fun mental and emotional ride to the point when I start doubting my own name. If you are a female reading this post, then you are all too familiar with side effects of PMS. No matter how varying these side effects, the underlying quality of this state is diminished alertness or presence. You're rearranging every life decision you've ever made before you know what hit you, at least I do.
If you suffer from excessive thinking and you can't turn your mind off whenever you want, then practice the following along with me:
1. Shake it off - Whenever you find yourself in states of anxiety, worry, confusion, emotional turmoil, unexplainable anger, or any other state that does not equal peace, than literally stand up and SHAKE IT OFF! For 5 to 10 minutes straight stand there and shake every part of your body. I learned that technique from Kim Eng's Retreat and now all I have to do is do it.
2. Change locations - If you are at work and anxiety or excessive thinking plagues you, then get out of your workspace completely, even if it's for 10 minutes or so.
3. Go to your breath and stay there for as long as you need to.
4. Choose the opposite - if someone asks you a question and you usually say yes, say no. If you're on your way home, go the other way. If you're in the middle of an argument, stop arguing or say something loving to the person you're arguing with, throw them off guard.
5. If you're home bored or feeling worthless like you're not contributing, go one of two ways: 1) do something, anything, even if it doesn't make sense and you have no idea how this applies to the rest of your life 2) do nothing - I know, I know, it's contradictory, but hear me out. Stay with it; see what feeling bored or worthless feels like. The mind controls boredom as well. It's putting stories in your head that don't serve you and you can hear those stories when you listen to what your mind is saying. But if you can't take it anymore, then perform one of the above exercises.
Join me in shaking it off no matter what the mind is telling you!
Thank you!
I've been on one of those for the past couple of days. Most of the time, I am aware when my mind starts getting away from me and I perch up like an owl and stay alert. However, a few days before the start of my period, my mind takes me on a fun mental and emotional ride to the point when I start doubting my own name. If you are a female reading this post, then you are all too familiar with side effects of PMS. No matter how varying these side effects, the underlying quality of this state is diminished alertness or presence. You're rearranging every life decision you've ever made before you know what hit you, at least I do.
If you suffer from excessive thinking and you can't turn your mind off whenever you want, then practice the following along with me:
1. Shake it off - Whenever you find yourself in states of anxiety, worry, confusion, emotional turmoil, unexplainable anger, or any other state that does not equal peace, than literally stand up and SHAKE IT OFF! For 5 to 10 minutes straight stand there and shake every part of your body. I learned that technique from Kim Eng's Retreat and now all I have to do is do it.
2. Change locations - If you are at work and anxiety or excessive thinking plagues you, then get out of your workspace completely, even if it's for 10 minutes or so.
3. Go to your breath and stay there for as long as you need to.
4. Choose the opposite - if someone asks you a question and you usually say yes, say no. If you're on your way home, go the other way. If you're in the middle of an argument, stop arguing or say something loving to the person you're arguing with, throw them off guard.
5. If you're home bored or feeling worthless like you're not contributing, go one of two ways: 1) do something, anything, even if it doesn't make sense and you have no idea how this applies to the rest of your life 2) do nothing - I know, I know, it's contradictory, but hear me out. Stay with it; see what feeling bored or worthless feels like. The mind controls boredom as well. It's putting stories in your head that don't serve you and you can hear those stories when you listen to what your mind is saying. But if you can't take it anymore, then perform one of the above exercises.
Join me in shaking it off no matter what the mind is telling you!
Thank you!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Do and Let Go
Checking in...
"The Master gives herself up to whatever the moment brings. She knows that she's going to die, and she has nothing left to hold on to: no illusions in her mind, no resistances in her body. She holds nothing back from life; therefore she's ready for death, as a man is ready for sleep after a good day's work." - Tao Te Ching
The one-hour non-resistance exercise has been working really well. Somehow knowing that an activity is just a meditation takes away the stress, the doubt, and any other resistance-type emotion and replaces it with aliveness and enjoyment. It doesn't even matter what it is that I'm doing, be it washing dishes or writing a novel, it's all one activity and if there is resistance, it's the same resistance I feel toward washing dishes that I do toward writing. Hence, what I do doesn't matter, it's how I do what I do makes all the difference.
How's life calling me to serve?
Do and let go. Letting go every step of the way is the true kind of doing. As the wise Lao-tzu points out there can't be illusions and resistances when one knows that she's going to die. And it's not meant to creep us out, but rather see life for what it is and not hold back. If not now, when? Do and let go. Do now and don't think about it later. "Did I do that right? I should've done it differently? What if this happens?" All the questioning and thinking about the result of action is not true action, but action based on fear and ego. The ego says, "what's the best thing can I do in order to make sure that I succeed?" The only true success is doing and letting go. Holding on to something that has no grasp is illusory and painful. However, creating something and releasing it is freeing and alive. When you know there is no need to grasp, then there is no fear.
Free the doing as you would a bird and let it fly free. See it flap its wings. Hear it chirp to the world, "wake up, you are already here."
Join me in doing and letting go of doing.
Thank you!
"The Master gives herself up to whatever the moment brings. She knows that she's going to die, and she has nothing left to hold on to: no illusions in her mind, no resistances in her body. She holds nothing back from life; therefore she's ready for death, as a man is ready for sleep after a good day's work." - Tao Te Ching
The one-hour non-resistance exercise has been working really well. Somehow knowing that an activity is just a meditation takes away the stress, the doubt, and any other resistance-type emotion and replaces it with aliveness and enjoyment. It doesn't even matter what it is that I'm doing, be it washing dishes or writing a novel, it's all one activity and if there is resistance, it's the same resistance I feel toward washing dishes that I do toward writing. Hence, what I do doesn't matter, it's how I do what I do makes all the difference.
How's life calling me to serve?
Do and let go. Letting go every step of the way is the true kind of doing. As the wise Lao-tzu points out there can't be illusions and resistances when one knows that she's going to die. And it's not meant to creep us out, but rather see life for what it is and not hold back. If not now, when? Do and let go. Do now and don't think about it later. "Did I do that right? I should've done it differently? What if this happens?" All the questioning and thinking about the result of action is not true action, but action based on fear and ego. The ego says, "what's the best thing can I do in order to make sure that I succeed?" The only true success is doing and letting go. Holding on to something that has no grasp is illusory and painful. However, creating something and releasing it is freeing and alive. When you know there is no need to grasp, then there is no fear.
Free the doing as you would a bird and let it fly free. See it flap its wings. Hear it chirp to the world, "wake up, you are already here."
Join me in doing and letting go of doing.
Thank you!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Non-Resistance to the Bigger Picture
Checking In...
How have I been "creating me" so far?
I'm somewhere between fiction and non-fiction. Eckhart Tolle teaches that our "inner purpose" or staying present in the now is primary and our "outer purpose" or what we do in the world is secondary. I've been practicing staying present for over two years now and although, there is a deepening every single day and moment even, I still find myself getting lost on what it is I'm supposed to be doing and how is what I'm doing connected to the whole. And I know that being concerned about that is a sign that I am not present or aligned to my inner purpose, which is why I'm using it as a reminder to stay with the task at hand.
So now, I think of "creating me" as being the observer of my own experience. Being there as emotions and situations arise. The times when I'm not fully "there," anxiety, doubt, and fear starts to creep in. I catch myself thinking, "that will never work" or "How am I going to do that?" But the beautiful thing is that these thoughts have no power over me unless I believe them. However, the momentum of self-deprecating thoughts like that has certain energy and I cannot pretend that they are not there because that just adds to that energy. I have to let them be and watch them pass. The trick is to actually stay with them and face them completely, instead of turning away from them.
Here's what's been working for me so far:..
The way that I've been able to face these thoughts and emotions is by pacing. I am a full time pacer. Lately, I've been turning pacing into a walking meditation instead. If I'm going to pace anyway, I might as well make it useful. And for those of you who are not familiar with walking meditation, it's basically walking slowly back and forth, and paying attention to every step you make. Feeling the feet on the ground, feeling your arms swing to and fro, and feeling your overall body. Just like in sitting meditation, you watch your mind and let your thoughts come and go without judgment, condemnation, or clinging to any one thought.
Here's another thing that has been working for me in times of resistance:
Any uncomfortable or painful feeling that arises within us is another way in which our body tells us that we are resisting whatever is happening in the moment. It happens to me right before I sit down to work on a task I set out for myself that day. My mind takes me on a walkabout that's anything from, "Do I really want to do this?" to "Maybe this way will be better." Neither one of these thoughts serves me or helps me get on task. What does serve me is that whenever I feel resistant to do a particular task, I do a one-hour non-resistance exercise, which consists of doing whatever it is that I'm resisting (exercise, write, make calls, organize files, etcetera) for an hour. I set a timer and I turn the activity that I'm resisting into a one-hour meditation.
What I learned from doing the non-resistance exercise are two things: 1) If it's an activity that I actually enjoy, then the one hour turns into more hours 2) If it's an activity that I don't enjoy, but have to do and there is no way around it, then it gets done and then I don't have to worry about it.
How's life calling me to serve today?
I like to switch it from "this moment" to "this hour" to "this day" or "this week," etcetera because it's all now anyway, but it helps the mind to wrap its head around it.
The way that life is calling me is to look at the bigger picture. It's not about this story or this activity or that goal, but rather what I'm being drawn to right now. For me, it's about taking one inspirational thought and seeing where it fits in the projects that I'm currently working on instead of creating a whole new project around one idea.
Join me in looking at the bigger picture.
Thank you!
How have I been "creating me" so far?
I'm somewhere between fiction and non-fiction. Eckhart Tolle teaches that our "inner purpose" or staying present in the now is primary and our "outer purpose" or what we do in the world is secondary. I've been practicing staying present for over two years now and although, there is a deepening every single day and moment even, I still find myself getting lost on what it is I'm supposed to be doing and how is what I'm doing connected to the whole. And I know that being concerned about that is a sign that I am not present or aligned to my inner purpose, which is why I'm using it as a reminder to stay with the task at hand.
So now, I think of "creating me" as being the observer of my own experience. Being there as emotions and situations arise. The times when I'm not fully "there," anxiety, doubt, and fear starts to creep in. I catch myself thinking, "that will never work" or "How am I going to do that?" But the beautiful thing is that these thoughts have no power over me unless I believe them. However, the momentum of self-deprecating thoughts like that has certain energy and I cannot pretend that they are not there because that just adds to that energy. I have to let them be and watch them pass. The trick is to actually stay with them and face them completely, instead of turning away from them.
Here's what's been working for me so far:..
The way that I've been able to face these thoughts and emotions is by pacing. I am a full time pacer. Lately, I've been turning pacing into a walking meditation instead. If I'm going to pace anyway, I might as well make it useful. And for those of you who are not familiar with walking meditation, it's basically walking slowly back and forth, and paying attention to every step you make. Feeling the feet on the ground, feeling your arms swing to and fro, and feeling your overall body. Just like in sitting meditation, you watch your mind and let your thoughts come and go without judgment, condemnation, or clinging to any one thought.
Here's another thing that has been working for me in times of resistance:
Any uncomfortable or painful feeling that arises within us is another way in which our body tells us that we are resisting whatever is happening in the moment. It happens to me right before I sit down to work on a task I set out for myself that day. My mind takes me on a walkabout that's anything from, "Do I really want to do this?" to "Maybe this way will be better." Neither one of these thoughts serves me or helps me get on task. What does serve me is that whenever I feel resistant to do a particular task, I do a one-hour non-resistance exercise, which consists of doing whatever it is that I'm resisting (exercise, write, make calls, organize files, etcetera) for an hour. I set a timer and I turn the activity that I'm resisting into a one-hour meditation.
What I learned from doing the non-resistance exercise are two things: 1) If it's an activity that I actually enjoy, then the one hour turns into more hours 2) If it's an activity that I don't enjoy, but have to do and there is no way around it, then it gets done and then I don't have to worry about it.
How's life calling me to serve today?
I like to switch it from "this moment" to "this hour" to "this day" or "this week," etcetera because it's all now anyway, but it helps the mind to wrap its head around it.
The way that life is calling me is to look at the bigger picture. It's not about this story or this activity or that goal, but rather what I'm being drawn to right now. For me, it's about taking one inspirational thought and seeing where it fits in the projects that I'm currently working on instead of creating a whole new project around one idea.
Join me in looking at the bigger picture.
Thank you!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Investing in Life
Checking in...
Yesterday, my sister and I went apartment hunting and during our lunch break I received the following words: Write, create, do whatever you want. Don't think about the results or how it all fits together or what's a better path. You're young. Invest everything and let the pieces fall where they may.
To clarify, when I say that I "received," I'm talking about the words that spontaneously arise out of my consciousness. I try and pay attention to those. These words are also the answer to the question I've been asking for months, "What should I do? or How's life calling me to serve?"
I've been so consumed with getting it right or trying to pin point exactly what it is I'm meant to be doing that I keep missing the obvious, which is "don't worry about how it's all going to align or not and just do what comes in each given moment." I like to put answers to my questions in quotations. It differentiates my personality voice from my higher voice.
Also, when I received "invest everything," I'm not talking about investing all my money into a stock and seeing what happens (although, that could be part of it), but to me, it means to put whatever I can give out there and not hold back or pre-judge what the results of that would be. To me, it means to invest in Life and trust that it's delivering.
What's a better investment than the one in your own life? Who knows you better than Life? Who can align you to the most harmonious path better than Life itself? Life knows you. Life knows what's best for you. Life gave your body life. Life created you in the only way it could in order for you to experience life fully. Then, why do we no trust it all the time? And why do we ever doubt that it could do a better job providing us with the most fulfilling experience possible?
Please join me in investing our trust in Life.
Thank you!
Yesterday, my sister and I went apartment hunting and during our lunch break I received the following words: Write, create, do whatever you want. Don't think about the results or how it all fits together or what's a better path. You're young. Invest everything and let the pieces fall where they may.
To clarify, when I say that I "received," I'm talking about the words that spontaneously arise out of my consciousness. I try and pay attention to those. These words are also the answer to the question I've been asking for months, "What should I do? or How's life calling me to serve?"
I've been so consumed with getting it right or trying to pin point exactly what it is I'm meant to be doing that I keep missing the obvious, which is "don't worry about how it's all going to align or not and just do what comes in each given moment." I like to put answers to my questions in quotations. It differentiates my personality voice from my higher voice.
Also, when I received "invest everything," I'm not talking about investing all my money into a stock and seeing what happens (although, that could be part of it), but to me, it means to put whatever I can give out there and not hold back or pre-judge what the results of that would be. To me, it means to invest in Life and trust that it's delivering.
What's a better investment than the one in your own life? Who knows you better than Life? Who can align you to the most harmonious path better than Life itself? Life knows you. Life knows what's best for you. Life gave your body life. Life created you in the only way it could in order for you to experience life fully. Then, why do we no trust it all the time? And why do we ever doubt that it could do a better job providing us with the most fulfilling experience possible?
Please join me in investing our trust in Life.
Thank you!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Figment of my own imagination
"Our perception of the external world, and our relationship to it, is a product of our neurological circuitry. For all those years of my life, I really had been a figment of my own imagination." - Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight
Having read My Storke of Insight, reaffirmed my own insights about our fluid reality. We are all literally creating our realities every single moment. There is no out there. Doesn't that change everything? To me, it means that we cannot take anything that happens too seriously. However, knowing this truth intellectually is not enough. How do you come to a point of feeling it as your reality? Or for those of us who feel it intermittently, how do we hold on to the feeling? We can't. By letting it go each time is the only way anything can be held on to. If it sounds like a contradiction, it is. Everything in life and nature exists only because its opposite does too.
The question is: What do I want to do with this information? How do I want to create my life knowing that it is only a figment of my own imagination?
The only answer that's coming up is to follow my joy. Which is like, duh and then what? To me, it means making the impossible possible. There is nothing to fear, but fear itself is not just a saying, it's the truth. Resistance that comes up during the pursuit of my passion tells me that there are emotions I'm afraid to face. And knowing that, helps me face them. I'm realizing that what's hiding behind fear is excitement for being alive. All these years what I thought was fear was actually my inner child wanting to explore new things.
As adults we are afraid to look where we want to the most. That fear of the unknown is keeping us from reaching our soul's desires. But knowing that we are figments of our own imagination alleviates that fear for me. I'm not denying that physical reality does exist, but only to the extent as seen from the multi-layers of my mind. Once the layers are stripped, what's left is pure bliss for the breath that flows through my body and for all the little things I can do simply because I am alive.
So, how is life calling me to serve at this moment?
It's calling me to move, to meet new people, and to explore new places. For the past few months I've been enjoying being and now I'm ready to include doing to the being.
Join me in moving our bodies to the beat of our own unique heart.
Thank you!
Having read My Storke of Insight, reaffirmed my own insights about our fluid reality. We are all literally creating our realities every single moment. There is no out there. Doesn't that change everything? To me, it means that we cannot take anything that happens too seriously. However, knowing this truth intellectually is not enough. How do you come to a point of feeling it as your reality? Or for those of us who feel it intermittently, how do we hold on to the feeling? We can't. By letting it go each time is the only way anything can be held on to. If it sounds like a contradiction, it is. Everything in life and nature exists only because its opposite does too.
The question is: What do I want to do with this information? How do I want to create my life knowing that it is only a figment of my own imagination?
The only answer that's coming up is to follow my joy. Which is like, duh and then what? To me, it means making the impossible possible. There is nothing to fear, but fear itself is not just a saying, it's the truth. Resistance that comes up during the pursuit of my passion tells me that there are emotions I'm afraid to face. And knowing that, helps me face them. I'm realizing that what's hiding behind fear is excitement for being alive. All these years what I thought was fear was actually my inner child wanting to explore new things.
As adults we are afraid to look where we want to the most. That fear of the unknown is keeping us from reaching our soul's desires. But knowing that we are figments of our own imagination alleviates that fear for me. I'm not denying that physical reality does exist, but only to the extent as seen from the multi-layers of my mind. Once the layers are stripped, what's left is pure bliss for the breath that flows through my body and for all the little things I can do simply because I am alive.
So, how is life calling me to serve at this moment?
It's calling me to move, to meet new people, and to explore new places. For the past few months I've been enjoying being and now I'm ready to include doing to the being.
Join me in moving our bodies to the beat of our own unique heart.
Thank you!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Tuning In
Checking in...
I like starting the posts with "checking in," because it sounds like "tuning in" or connecting to the all and everything. And it's true. Writing this blog is one of the ways that I check back into the present moment or tune in to Life.
Tuning in has been the main focus this past week. I've been reconnecting to "this is what I really WANT to be doing right now" versus "this is what I SHOULD be doing." I haven't been questioning why I would rather do this one thing versus another, I'm remembering to trust the process. How "this" is connected to "that" is none of my business until it becomes my business. It sure takes a load off when I'm no longer worried how what I'm doing or not doing is connected to my overall path. The saying "it's the journey, not the destination," is becoming more of the focus.
How's Life calling me to serve?
Yesterday, I had my first Reiki class. Reiki is the process of tuning to the source and allowing the source to guide you in healing yourself and others. During the session both my Reiki master, Patti Penn, and I noticed that I tend to get impatient. In the past, impatience drove me to make decisions that did not align with my higher good. In combination with my Reiki practice and the practice of living day-to-day, my intention is to watch for impatience if it arises. There is no point of fighting it because it's just going to come back ten-fold.
Join me in watching impatience as it arises and tuning in to the stillness behind impermanent states like impatience.
Thank you.
I like starting the posts with "checking in," because it sounds like "tuning in" or connecting to the all and everything. And it's true. Writing this blog is one of the ways that I check back into the present moment or tune in to Life.
Tuning in has been the main focus this past week. I've been reconnecting to "this is what I really WANT to be doing right now" versus "this is what I SHOULD be doing." I haven't been questioning why I would rather do this one thing versus another, I'm remembering to trust the process. How "this" is connected to "that" is none of my business until it becomes my business. It sure takes a load off when I'm no longer worried how what I'm doing or not doing is connected to my overall path. The saying "it's the journey, not the destination," is becoming more of the focus.
How's Life calling me to serve?
Yesterday, I had my first Reiki class. Reiki is the process of tuning to the source and allowing the source to guide you in healing yourself and others. During the session both my Reiki master, Patti Penn, and I noticed that I tend to get impatient. In the past, impatience drove me to make decisions that did not align with my higher good. In combination with my Reiki practice and the practice of living day-to-day, my intention is to watch for impatience if it arises. There is no point of fighting it because it's just going to come back ten-fold.
Join me in watching impatience as it arises and tuning in to the stillness behind impermanent states like impatience.
Thank you.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Poet Stands Alone
Checking in...
This past week life called on me to write more poetry. In my last "Deepening Joy" meditation class, we had a choice to volunteer to read poetry or sing or do any other creative activity. I chose to read a poem I wrote two years ago. I used to write poetry all the time when I was in school and some after, but then I stopped abruptly when I decided that I wanted to do more "serious" or "adult" type of writing. In other words, the kind of writing that would have potentially made me money. We get trapped in these "should" ideas and forget what was fun for us. Reading my poem reminded me how inspired I used to feel when I wrote poetry.
How do I know that Life is calling me to serve in this way?
Some people from the class came up to me afterwards and literally told me how moved they felt and that I should write more. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Of course, it doesn't mean that I have to drop everything else I'm doing and just focus on poetry; rather, include it in my activities.
One of the things I'm learning in the "creating me" process is to allow things to come and go without making absolute judgments or holding on to ideas for dear life. When I try to force an idea to become a fixture in my life rather than a fluid possibility, I fall into the trap of guilt, self-criticism, and inner turmoil. Who needs it? I sure don't.
What can I do now to live the kind of a life I really want?
Every week, every day, or every moment even, there is always one thing that's more prominent in our minds than others. For me, it has been sticking to a set schedule when I am my most creative, specifically for writing. I already know that my most creative time is in the morning hours from when I wake up at about 6am to noon. It takes me half an hour to an hour to go through my morning routine, which leaves good four to five hours to do creative work.
Then, why don't I do it every day or five times a week?
I'm realizing that it has to do with making that time a priority - no excuses! If I don't make that time a priority, I become more susceptible to distractions like checking my email, planning what I'm going to do tomorrow, getting into long discussions with my parents, worry, and doubt.
My intention this week is to cultivate more creative time and sticking to it even when nothing of "quality" arises.
In one of the posts of my favorite blog site, "Zen Habits," Leo (the writer of the blog) talks about the No.1 creative habit, which is SOLITUDE. Giving yourself the time to be alone in order for the creative juices to flow has proved to be the most crucial aspect for all creativity according to Einstein, Kafka, and many other geniuses of this world.
Join me in creating more alone time for creative solutions and ideas to flow into our hearts and minds with ease.
Thank you.
This past week life called on me to write more poetry. In my last "Deepening Joy" meditation class, we had a choice to volunteer to read poetry or sing or do any other creative activity. I chose to read a poem I wrote two years ago. I used to write poetry all the time when I was in school and some after, but then I stopped abruptly when I decided that I wanted to do more "serious" or "adult" type of writing. In other words, the kind of writing that would have potentially made me money. We get trapped in these "should" ideas and forget what was fun for us. Reading my poem reminded me how inspired I used to feel when I wrote poetry.
How do I know that Life is calling me to serve in this way?
Some people from the class came up to me afterwards and literally told me how moved they felt and that I should write more. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. Of course, it doesn't mean that I have to drop everything else I'm doing and just focus on poetry; rather, include it in my activities.
One of the things I'm learning in the "creating me" process is to allow things to come and go without making absolute judgments or holding on to ideas for dear life. When I try to force an idea to become a fixture in my life rather than a fluid possibility, I fall into the trap of guilt, self-criticism, and inner turmoil. Who needs it? I sure don't.
What can I do now to live the kind of a life I really want?
Every week, every day, or every moment even, there is always one thing that's more prominent in our minds than others. For me, it has been sticking to a set schedule when I am my most creative, specifically for writing. I already know that my most creative time is in the morning hours from when I wake up at about 6am to noon. It takes me half an hour to an hour to go through my morning routine, which leaves good four to five hours to do creative work.
Then, why don't I do it every day or five times a week?
I'm realizing that it has to do with making that time a priority - no excuses! If I don't make that time a priority, I become more susceptible to distractions like checking my email, planning what I'm going to do tomorrow, getting into long discussions with my parents, worry, and doubt.
My intention this week is to cultivate more creative time and sticking to it even when nothing of "quality" arises.
In one of the posts of my favorite blog site, "Zen Habits," Leo (the writer of the blog) talks about the No.1 creative habit, which is SOLITUDE. Giving yourself the time to be alone in order for the creative juices to flow has proved to be the most crucial aspect for all creativity according to Einstein, Kafka, and many other geniuses of this world.
Join me in creating more alone time for creative solutions and ideas to flow into our hearts and minds with ease.
Thank you.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Clearing
How's Life calling me to serve?
Since I've been back from my retreat, I've been doing a lot of cleaning and clearing. It's like clearing my body and mind helped initiate external clearing as well. I organized my computer files. I added and cleaned up my contacts in my phone and email. I'm also realizing that I know more people than I thought. Between facebook, my phonebook, and my email, I am connected to a lot of people on the physical level. On the spiritual level, we are all connected, but it's nice to know that we can connect in the physical realm.
I've been feeling like reaching out to people lately. I even ask "how I can be of service?" more. I do that at home, at work, in my meditation classes and groups, and even in random places like the grocery store, while driving, and at new social events. I'm not surprised that it's happening as I am more aware of everything around me. It doesn't seem to take any effort or thought, which is how I know that I'm more aligned with the whole.
I read on article on the Oprah site on how to define our calling in life and one of the quotes that stayed with me was, "let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love." Then, it asks you to make a list of all the things that apply when you are at your happiest. Here's what rang true for me when I am at my happiest:
Helping others find their energy fields
Staying present and allowing everything to be as it is
Sharing insights with others
Teaching from presence
Being around like-minded people and with people in general
Listening to another with an open heart
Being the space holder for others to freely express themselves
Journaling with purpose
Obtaining information and practicing ways out of suffering
Writing and brainstorming stories that align with the whole
I am sure there is more, but the above stood out like signposts. Although, I'm not completely certain how it will all piece together to make a career path or my calling, it's beginning to feel warmer. One of my meditation teachers recommended once for when I don't know exactly where I'm going to simply go towards what feels warmer. Doing that also clears the path in the direction that's more suited for me.
This week, my intention is to follow another quote from that same article, "Let Love be my intention, my purpose, and my point. And then let Love inspire me, support me, and guide me in every other dedication I make thereafter."
Please join me in letting Love be our intention and letting Love inspire us in whichever path we partake.
Thank you.
Since I've been back from my retreat, I've been doing a lot of cleaning and clearing. It's like clearing my body and mind helped initiate external clearing as well. I organized my computer files. I added and cleaned up my contacts in my phone and email. I'm also realizing that I know more people than I thought. Between facebook, my phonebook, and my email, I am connected to a lot of people on the physical level. On the spiritual level, we are all connected, but it's nice to know that we can connect in the physical realm.
I've been feeling like reaching out to people lately. I even ask "how I can be of service?" more. I do that at home, at work, in my meditation classes and groups, and even in random places like the grocery store, while driving, and at new social events. I'm not surprised that it's happening as I am more aware of everything around me. It doesn't seem to take any effort or thought, which is how I know that I'm more aligned with the whole.
I read on article on the Oprah site on how to define our calling in life and one of the quotes that stayed with me was, "let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love." Then, it asks you to make a list of all the things that apply when you are at your happiest. Here's what rang true for me when I am at my happiest:
Helping others find their energy fields
Staying present and allowing everything to be as it is
Sharing insights with others
Teaching from presence
Being around like-minded people and with people in general
Listening to another with an open heart
Being the space holder for others to freely express themselves
Journaling with purpose
Obtaining information and practicing ways out of suffering
Writing and brainstorming stories that align with the whole
I am sure there is more, but the above stood out like signposts. Although, I'm not completely certain how it will all piece together to make a career path or my calling, it's beginning to feel warmer. One of my meditation teachers recommended once for when I don't know exactly where I'm going to simply go towards what feels warmer. Doing that also clears the path in the direction that's more suited for me.
This week, my intention is to follow another quote from that same article, "Let Love be my intention, my purpose, and my point. And then let Love inspire me, support me, and guide me in every other dedication I make thereafter."
Please join me in letting Love be our intention and letting Love inspire us in whichever path we partake.
Thank you.
Monday, May 17, 2010
I AM STILL
Checking in...
I'm back from my "Presence through Movement" Retreat that was led by Kim Eng, Eckhart Tolle's teaching and life partner. She teaches ying yoga or the polarity that allows, opens, and surrenders unlike yang, which is the pusher and the doer. I've come back with new skills and ways to allow Life to work through me. This post is my calling at this present moment.
When I came home after the retreat, I barely had a minute to put my stuff down and go to the bathroom before my mom proceeded to tell me that she has questions for me. I asked her, "what kind of questions?" And as she was answering me and preparing my lunch, she mumbled that I never tell the truth. I did not react to her statement on either external or internal level because I have enough stillness and presence in me to not take statements like that seriously. Within minutes I learned that her comment was referring to my sister and had nothing to do with me at all. But even if it did, the comment still had nothing to do with me because nothing anybody tells us has the capacity to hurt us unless we let it. And I'm not talking about numbing what we're feeling or reaffirming to yourself, "I'm better than this and I don't need to listen to it." I'm talking about knowing and most importantly, feeling the difference between thoughts and who we really are - consciousness experiencing thoughts.
The truth that we are not our thoughts could not have been clearer to me than when I had to go silent for 24 hours on my retreat. There are other retreats that practice silence for 5 to 7 to 10 or more days and so practicing it for one day was a nice taste of what it's like listening to the mind chatter since there is no one else to listen to. Although, I've been listening or trying to listen to my thoughts for some time now, doing it for a consecutive period of time with nothing else to do really showed me how truly noisy my mind is. I went from, "this is fun" to "this is boring" to "losing myself in one of the mind-created stories" to "I can't believe how lost I've been all this time" to "How much more do I have to go?" "I don't have a choice, I might as well stay with it" to "Wow, my mind is getting quieter" to "I'm losing track of time" to "It's over."
And now my mind is back, but there's even more space between me and my thoughts. Thoughts are always there, but as Kim said on the first day of the retreat, "I am still."
How's life calling me to serve?
To be still and go with whatever arises in the moment.
Join in me in coming back to stillness, our home base, our home.
Thank you!
I'm back from my "Presence through Movement" Retreat that was led by Kim Eng, Eckhart Tolle's teaching and life partner. She teaches ying yoga or the polarity that allows, opens, and surrenders unlike yang, which is the pusher and the doer. I've come back with new skills and ways to allow Life to work through me. This post is my calling at this present moment.
When I came home after the retreat, I barely had a minute to put my stuff down and go to the bathroom before my mom proceeded to tell me that she has questions for me. I asked her, "what kind of questions?" And as she was answering me and preparing my lunch, she mumbled that I never tell the truth. I did not react to her statement on either external or internal level because I have enough stillness and presence in me to not take statements like that seriously. Within minutes I learned that her comment was referring to my sister and had nothing to do with me at all. But even if it did, the comment still had nothing to do with me because nothing anybody tells us has the capacity to hurt us unless we let it. And I'm not talking about numbing what we're feeling or reaffirming to yourself, "I'm better than this and I don't need to listen to it." I'm talking about knowing and most importantly, feeling the difference between thoughts and who we really are - consciousness experiencing thoughts.
The truth that we are not our thoughts could not have been clearer to me than when I had to go silent for 24 hours on my retreat. There are other retreats that practice silence for 5 to 7 to 10 or more days and so practicing it for one day was a nice taste of what it's like listening to the mind chatter since there is no one else to listen to. Although, I've been listening or trying to listen to my thoughts for some time now, doing it for a consecutive period of time with nothing else to do really showed me how truly noisy my mind is. I went from, "this is fun" to "this is boring" to "losing myself in one of the mind-created stories" to "I can't believe how lost I've been all this time" to "How much more do I have to go?" "I don't have a choice, I might as well stay with it" to "Wow, my mind is getting quieter" to "I'm losing track of time" to "It's over."
And now my mind is back, but there's even more space between me and my thoughts. Thoughts are always there, but as Kim said on the first day of the retreat, "I am still."
How's life calling me to serve?
To be still and go with whatever arises in the moment.
Join in me in coming back to stillness, our home base, our home.
Thank you!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Unlinear Path
Checking in...
It's been almost a month since my last post and the reason for that is because I've been all over the place. I've been sort of going with where the wind blows. How's that for alliteration? Within the past month, meditation has become a daily practice for me. I'm more relaxed and not as concerned about what I "should be" doing. I've been doing whatever arose in me on any particular day. If I felt like writing one day, then that's what I did. If I felt like spending a day hiking, then that's what I did. You might wonder how does one get anything completed by doing that? Surprisingly, things tend to unfold very naturally once we align ourselves with our most genuine desires. I met with a Reiki master recently and she reaffirmed what has been becoming very clear for me lately and that is... life is NOT linear. And this is not some grand discovery. Many scientists and spiritual teachers have known it as a fact for thousands of years.
We are used to living our lives from point A to point B. First comes this and then comes that. I'm not saying that we can't survive by doing just that all of our lives; however, living that way takes a lot of freedom and creativity out of the equation. Besides, it's very hard to create the kind of a life we really want by not going with the flow of life. It's literally there to help us out and guide us in whichever direction is more harmonious for us in any given situation.
What kind of a life do I really want?
I want to live harmoniously with Life itself. I want to be the tool that LIfe uses to build castles. In order for that happen, I have to completely surrender to Life and trust that whatever I choose to do is the only possible thing to do in any given moment. For me, the problem arises when I start to second-guess myself. And usually second-guessing never actually resolves a problem; rather, it creates anxiety. Things still tend to work out whether I second-guess or not. Then, why do it?
My intention this week is to follow the unlinear path with no regret or second-guessing.
What kind of a person would I be when I stop regretting and second-guessing my choices?
I would be relaxed and joyous. I would also take accountability for my choices and still feel "in trust" with my highest self. I already know that life is not linear and that even if I don't see the fruits of my labor today, it just means that they're growing and developing into what they want to be.
How's following the unlinear path align with the whole?
I am becoming more aware of the whole when I live in this way. Living in harmony with Life means that I don't get in anybody's way. Essentially, we are all one and so it is impossible to get in each other's way. And even as separate entities part of a whole we can live with each other without taking anything away from the other person. Me, living unlinearly, puts me in the right place and time and hence, in the right place and time with the whole.
Join me in following the unlinear path with no regret or doubt.
Thank you.
It's been almost a month since my last post and the reason for that is because I've been all over the place. I've been sort of going with where the wind blows. How's that for alliteration? Within the past month, meditation has become a daily practice for me. I'm more relaxed and not as concerned about what I "should be" doing. I've been doing whatever arose in me on any particular day. If I felt like writing one day, then that's what I did. If I felt like spending a day hiking, then that's what I did. You might wonder how does one get anything completed by doing that? Surprisingly, things tend to unfold very naturally once we align ourselves with our most genuine desires. I met with a Reiki master recently and she reaffirmed what has been becoming very clear for me lately and that is... life is NOT linear. And this is not some grand discovery. Many scientists and spiritual teachers have known it as a fact for thousands of years.
We are used to living our lives from point A to point B. First comes this and then comes that. I'm not saying that we can't survive by doing just that all of our lives; however, living that way takes a lot of freedom and creativity out of the equation. Besides, it's very hard to create the kind of a life we really want by not going with the flow of life. It's literally there to help us out and guide us in whichever direction is more harmonious for us in any given situation.
What kind of a life do I really want?
I want to live harmoniously with Life itself. I want to be the tool that LIfe uses to build castles. In order for that happen, I have to completely surrender to Life and trust that whatever I choose to do is the only possible thing to do in any given moment. For me, the problem arises when I start to second-guess myself. And usually second-guessing never actually resolves a problem; rather, it creates anxiety. Things still tend to work out whether I second-guess or not. Then, why do it?
My intention this week is to follow the unlinear path with no regret or second-guessing.
What kind of a person would I be when I stop regretting and second-guessing my choices?
I would be relaxed and joyous. I would also take accountability for my choices and still feel "in trust" with my highest self. I already know that life is not linear and that even if I don't see the fruits of my labor today, it just means that they're growing and developing into what they want to be.
How's following the unlinear path align with the whole?
I am becoming more aware of the whole when I live in this way. Living in harmony with Life means that I don't get in anybody's way. Essentially, we are all one and so it is impossible to get in each other's way. And even as separate entities part of a whole we can live with each other without taking anything away from the other person. Me, living unlinearly, puts me in the right place and time and hence, in the right place and time with the whole.
Join me in following the unlinear path with no regret or doubt.
Thank you.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Showing Up is the Whole Enchilada
Checking in...
As you can tell by the date, I did not show up last week. But I feel grateful for making it back today. In the past couple of weeks I joined two meditation classes. Practicing meditation in a group is a precious and giving experience because everyone is working on a common goal. I have to say that bringing regular meditation into my life has brought more balance and clarity. However it also unveiled old wounds.
What do I really want?
I want to keep showing up even if I have nothing to show up for.
In previous years, I have allowed anxiety to stop me from showing up. I still managed to show up somehow, but anxiety ruled the writing space. What if this is not it? What if I should be doing something else with my time? What if this is not the right story? What if this is not the right character? What if, what if, what if? And the thing is, when I actually sat down to write, everything was fine. The "what if" questions fell by the way side for as long as I was in the "writing space."
So, now, instead of fighting through my teeth to get to the "happy space" on the other side, I want to make my writing time a meditative time. As a meditation practitioner, I learned that one of the crucial points of meditation is to sit there for 10, 20, 30, whatever minutes without impulsively reacting to any discomforts that arise within or without. Through mindfulness, I learned to note what my mind is telling me. If it's planning, than I place a post-it note in my head with the word "planning" on it without judging the actual planning when I should be writing. Or if it's worry about tomorrow, than I note, "worry" and leave it at that. Little by little, these thoughts are becoming no more than notes in my head that have no power to change my course of action.
My intention this week is to show up for writing.
What kind of a person do I want to be in relation to showing up?
I want to be accountable for my intention without judgment or fear of failing. I want to be there even if nothing arises out of the space. But at least I want to be there in the space so that when something is ready to be born it can be.
How is showing up aligned with the whole?
When I show up to write, I show up for Life. When I'm not resisting whatever may happen by showing up, I'm living in alignment with the present moment.
Join me in simply showing up.
Thank you.
As you can tell by the date, I did not show up last week. But I feel grateful for making it back today. In the past couple of weeks I joined two meditation classes. Practicing meditation in a group is a precious and giving experience because everyone is working on a common goal. I have to say that bringing regular meditation into my life has brought more balance and clarity. However it also unveiled old wounds.
What do I really want?
I want to keep showing up even if I have nothing to show up for.
In previous years, I have allowed anxiety to stop me from showing up. I still managed to show up somehow, but anxiety ruled the writing space. What if this is not it? What if I should be doing something else with my time? What if this is not the right story? What if this is not the right character? What if, what if, what if? And the thing is, when I actually sat down to write, everything was fine. The "what if" questions fell by the way side for as long as I was in the "writing space."
So, now, instead of fighting through my teeth to get to the "happy space" on the other side, I want to make my writing time a meditative time. As a meditation practitioner, I learned that one of the crucial points of meditation is to sit there for 10, 20, 30, whatever minutes without impulsively reacting to any discomforts that arise within or without. Through mindfulness, I learned to note what my mind is telling me. If it's planning, than I place a post-it note in my head with the word "planning" on it without judging the actual planning when I should be writing. Or if it's worry about tomorrow, than I note, "worry" and leave it at that. Little by little, these thoughts are becoming no more than notes in my head that have no power to change my course of action.
My intention this week is to show up for writing.
What kind of a person do I want to be in relation to showing up?
I want to be accountable for my intention without judgment or fear of failing. I want to be there even if nothing arises out of the space. But at least I want to be there in the space so that when something is ready to be born it can be.
How is showing up aligned with the whole?
When I show up to write, I show up for Life. When I'm not resisting whatever may happen by showing up, I'm living in alignment with the present moment.
Join me in simply showing up.
Thank you.
Monday, March 29, 2010
When Fear and Doubt are Back in Town
Checking in...
Once I began uncovering the emotional layers, it soon became clear that what was lingering behind the curtain was fear and doubt. Here's my answer to that...
When Fear and Doubt are back in town
You should allow them to stay
But tell them to keep it quiet until you're done writing for the day.
Ever since I decided to call myself a writer, about seven years ago, Fear and Doubt began to pop in and out just long enough for me to either drop what I'm writing all together or change what I'm writing all together. Little by little, I learned to continue working through their presence while they whispered ugly nothings into my ear. And now I'm discovering that I should stop treating Fear and Doubt as my enemies and accept them as my acquaintances instead, who happen to need a place to stay whilst they're in town. Yes, they are usually an intrusion and I want them out as soon as possible, but while they are a guest in my house, I welcome them fully without feeling the obligation to listen to their life-sapping stories. After all, they're here today, gone tomorrow.
What do I really want?
I want to be able to follow through with what I start regardless of how many times Fear and Doubt come to town. I know that telling them to go away only causes them to invite more of their friends over, so I'd rather learn how to live with them.
My intention this week is to look Fear and Doubt straight in the eye.
What kind of a person do I want to be when faced with fear or doubt?
I want to be the kind of a person who stands my ground, who is unshakable in her inner faith and strength. How can I make that happen? I have to believe that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing and it couldn't possibly be any other way. I have to believe that no matter what happens on the outside, on the inside I'm always fine.
How does facing fear and doubt align with the whole?
I know that when fears are faced, peace shines through. The truth behind fear is love and faith. When I align myself with the whole, I'm not afraid. Jill Taylor talks about how connecting to the right side of our brain is connecting to the Universe itself, to the All and Everything. When I connect to the "right side of me," I connect to all things.
Join me in looking at fear and doubt in the eye.
Thank you.
Once I began uncovering the emotional layers, it soon became clear that what was lingering behind the curtain was fear and doubt. Here's my answer to that...
When Fear and Doubt are back in town
You should allow them to stay
But tell them to keep it quiet until you're done writing for the day.
Ever since I decided to call myself a writer, about seven years ago, Fear and Doubt began to pop in and out just long enough for me to either drop what I'm writing all together or change what I'm writing all together. Little by little, I learned to continue working through their presence while they whispered ugly nothings into my ear. And now I'm discovering that I should stop treating Fear and Doubt as my enemies and accept them as my acquaintances instead, who happen to need a place to stay whilst they're in town. Yes, they are usually an intrusion and I want them out as soon as possible, but while they are a guest in my house, I welcome them fully without feeling the obligation to listen to their life-sapping stories. After all, they're here today, gone tomorrow.
What do I really want?
I want to be able to follow through with what I start regardless of how many times Fear and Doubt come to town. I know that telling them to go away only causes them to invite more of their friends over, so I'd rather learn how to live with them.
My intention this week is to look Fear and Doubt straight in the eye.
What kind of a person do I want to be when faced with fear or doubt?
I want to be the kind of a person who stands my ground, who is unshakable in her inner faith and strength. How can I make that happen? I have to believe that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing and it couldn't possibly be any other way. I have to believe that no matter what happens on the outside, on the inside I'm always fine.
How does facing fear and doubt align with the whole?
I know that when fears are faced, peace shines through. The truth behind fear is love and faith. When I align myself with the whole, I'm not afraid. Jill Taylor talks about how connecting to the right side of our brain is connecting to the Universe itself, to the All and Everything. When I connect to the "right side of me," I connect to all things.
Join me in looking at fear and doubt in the eye.
Thank you.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Removing the Layers
Checking in...
This past week I've been removing layers off of my story. It's been all about rewriting. At first, I wanted to go forward and just finish the story, but felt the need to polish the pages I've already written. It proved to be necessary as all rewriting is. I did not always feel like working on the story, but I practiced surrendering to the "not wanting" and found that after a short while, I felt like writing again.
What do I really want?
I want to remove any emotional layers that are blocking the light from shining through. Every so often, I feel unease in my body whether it'd be about what I'm writing, what I should or shouldn't be doing, the unease lingers behind the curtain. I want to open the curtain and see what's there.
My intention this week is to observe any lingering emotional baggage.
How do I see myself without the emotional baggage?
I see myself at peace and free. I know that it's impossible to get rid of certain emotions, but it is possible to watch them and feel them pass through my body.
How does being free of emotional baggage align with the whole?
Any discomfort or unease causes unnecessary pain and resistance. By holding on to it, I create unnecessary illness in myself and unhappiness in others, even if I don't see the effects of what I'm doing or feeling directly.
Join in me in observing any emotional baggage that arises.
Thank you.
This past week I've been removing layers off of my story. It's been all about rewriting. At first, I wanted to go forward and just finish the story, but felt the need to polish the pages I've already written. It proved to be necessary as all rewriting is. I did not always feel like working on the story, but I practiced surrendering to the "not wanting" and found that after a short while, I felt like writing again.
What do I really want?
I want to remove any emotional layers that are blocking the light from shining through. Every so often, I feel unease in my body whether it'd be about what I'm writing, what I should or shouldn't be doing, the unease lingers behind the curtain. I want to open the curtain and see what's there.
My intention this week is to observe any lingering emotional baggage.
How do I see myself without the emotional baggage?
I see myself at peace and free. I know that it's impossible to get rid of certain emotions, but it is possible to watch them and feel them pass through my body.
How does being free of emotional baggage align with the whole?
Any discomfort or unease causes unnecessary pain and resistance. By holding on to it, I create unnecessary illness in myself and unhappiness in others, even if I don't see the effects of what I'm doing or feeling directly.
Join in me in observing any emotional baggage that arises.
Thank you.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Doing or the Enjoyment of Doing?
Checking in...
Last week's intention to be more open has been working for me. I've been going to relational mindfulness classes in order to genuinely relate to people that I don't know even. There, we practice listening to each other without judgment or interruptions. I've been practicing being open, honest, and kind with whatever arises. The format of classes such as these allows for the space and trust to be who you are without fear of being judged or hurt.
What am I creating in other parts of my life?
Although, socially I've been more open, professionally I've been stumbling again, which brings me to this week's topic: What's the happy medium between doing and the enjoyment of doing? Yes, in fact, these two are a separate phenomenon. The enjoyment is something that happens involuntarily. And usually the enjoyment part comes during the doing, not before. I might get excited to work on something, but it's not the same as a deep-seeded joy that arises from staying aligned with whatever I'm doing.
What do I really want out of life?
I want to find joy in whatever I'm doing even if I don't feel like doing the particular task. For instance, if I set out to write today, then I would like to do that and feel joy even if I don't feel like doing the work, which sort of contradicts surrendering to Life. But what will happen if I surrender to "I don't want to do this right now" feeling?
My intention this week is to surrender to "I don't want to do this," feeling and see what happens.
What kind of a person do I really want to be through this experience?
I want to be the kind of a person who does what she set out to do. But I also want to be the kind of a person who forgives herself if she doesn't always follow through with what she set out to do. In my experience, being hard on myself doesn't work. If I don't continuously practice self-forgiveness, I go backwards two steps and find myself back in the slump. Therefore, I want to be the kind of a person who does not place any sort of expectations on herself, but rather allows "I don't feel like it" vibrations to be there and resume work when ready.
How does surrendering to "I don't want to do this" feeling align with the whole?
If I'm not creating suffering or pain for myself, I'm not creating it for others. Resisting the feeling would create suffering within me. I vow not to create suffering for myself and others.
Join me in surrendering to "I don't want to do this right now," feeling.
Thank you.
Last week's intention to be more open has been working for me. I've been going to relational mindfulness classes in order to genuinely relate to people that I don't know even. There, we practice listening to each other without judgment or interruptions. I've been practicing being open, honest, and kind with whatever arises. The format of classes such as these allows for the space and trust to be who you are without fear of being judged or hurt.
What am I creating in other parts of my life?
Although, socially I've been more open, professionally I've been stumbling again, which brings me to this week's topic: What's the happy medium between doing and the enjoyment of doing? Yes, in fact, these two are a separate phenomenon. The enjoyment is something that happens involuntarily. And usually the enjoyment part comes during the doing, not before. I might get excited to work on something, but it's not the same as a deep-seeded joy that arises from staying aligned with whatever I'm doing.
What do I really want out of life?
I want to find joy in whatever I'm doing even if I don't feel like doing the particular task. For instance, if I set out to write today, then I would like to do that and feel joy even if I don't feel like doing the work, which sort of contradicts surrendering to Life. But what will happen if I surrender to "I don't want to do this right now" feeling?
My intention this week is to surrender to "I don't want to do this," feeling and see what happens.
What kind of a person do I really want to be through this experience?
I want to be the kind of a person who does what she set out to do. But I also want to be the kind of a person who forgives herself if she doesn't always follow through with what she set out to do. In my experience, being hard on myself doesn't work. If I don't continuously practice self-forgiveness, I go backwards two steps and find myself back in the slump. Therefore, I want to be the kind of a person who does not place any sort of expectations on herself, but rather allows "I don't feel like it" vibrations to be there and resume work when ready.
How does surrendering to "I don't want to do this" feeling align with the whole?
If I'm not creating suffering or pain for myself, I'm not creating it for others. Resisting the feeling would create suffering within me. I vow not to create suffering for myself and others.
Join me in surrendering to "I don't want to do this right now," feeling.
Thank you.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I, The Open Vehicle
Checking in...
Being mindful of my thoughts this past week helped me realize that I am the vehicle through which action happens. Although, I've already known that, I've been able to feel it as well. I am still working on the story and am enjoying being the vehicle for it. Once in a while, my thoughts nag me on "what else I should be doing instead of what I'm doing?" So far, I've been able to let these thoughts pass.
What do I really want out of life?
I'm going to be coming back to that question every week. I want to be around more like-minded people. I want to be a part of a community that help me support my practices of staying present. So far, I signed up for Eckhart Tolle's Silent Group on Sunday evenings. There, we sit in silence for 15 minutes, then we watch one of his retreat talks, and we end with sitting silently for another 15 minutes. Although, there is no discussion going on, I'm enjoying just being around people who are practicing presence.
My intention this week is to be an open vehicle for attracting a like-minded community of people into my life.
Who do I really want to be as part of this community?
I want to be open to receiving new people. I want to break away from my comfort zone and put myself out there.
How does what I want align with the whole or you?
To me, this Blog is another way I'm building a community. Feel free to share and comment on here.
Join me in saying, "I am open to new encounters."
Thank you.
Being mindful of my thoughts this past week helped me realize that I am the vehicle through which action happens. Although, I've already known that, I've been able to feel it as well. I am still working on the story and am enjoying being the vehicle for it. Once in a while, my thoughts nag me on "what else I should be doing instead of what I'm doing?" So far, I've been able to let these thoughts pass.
What do I really want out of life?
I'm going to be coming back to that question every week. I want to be around more like-minded people. I want to be a part of a community that help me support my practices of staying present. So far, I signed up for Eckhart Tolle's Silent Group on Sunday evenings. There, we sit in silence for 15 minutes, then we watch one of his retreat talks, and we end with sitting silently for another 15 minutes. Although, there is no discussion going on, I'm enjoying just being around people who are practicing presence.
My intention this week is to be an open vehicle for attracting a like-minded community of people into my life.
Who do I really want to be as part of this community?
I want to be open to receiving new people. I want to break away from my comfort zone and put myself out there.
How does what I want align with the whole or you?
To me, this Blog is another way I'm building a community. Feel free to share and comment on here.
Join me in saying, "I am open to new encounters."
Thank you.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Creating " " Space
Checking in...
Not resisting what happens last week has led me to start writing a novel. I'm not questioning why I want to write that particular story as a novel, not as a screenplay, which is what I've been working on thus far, because the rule is not to resist what happens. How did not resisting work for you?
What am I still resisting?
The truth of the matter is that I am still not in complete surrender. This past week I found that guilt arose. The guilt stemmed from the fact that I wasn't working on a screenplay instead. After all, I've been training in the craft of screenwriting, then why wasn't I continuing to do that?
Which brings me back to the original question...
What do I really want out of life?
Ultimately, what I really want is to be at peace. Then, how do I maintain peace when guilt arises? Eckhart Tolle teaches that the guilt, shame, fear, or any other disturbing or uncomfortable emotions we feel are due to our identification with the incessant "voice in the head." It's the voice that labels situations as good or bad, judges, analyzes, reviews old conversations, brings up the past, etcetera. Or what Jill Bolte Taylor (Stroke of Insight) calls the "left brain chatter."
My intention this week is to combine last week's technique of not resisting whatever arises, including guilt, and creating more space between thoughts.
How does one create space between thoughts?
Those of who are familiar with the practices of mindfulness or meditation know that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just there doing their thing like digestion. Those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, go to your breath right now and see if a thought arises while you take that breath. A thought cannot possibly arise when your attention is on your breath. To create space between the chatter and the peace underneath it, we need to place ourselves in the role of an observer. The more we observe our thoughts without identifying with them or taking them personally, the more space we create.
The techniques that I use are: going to the breath, going to the body (what does a thought feel like in my body), and watching my thoughts without judging their content (and forgiving myself if I forget :)).
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be able to stay focused on what I'm doing regardless of guilt arising. Intellectually, I always know that I am not my guilt. It's just an energy vibration that comes in and out. Then, how do I connect to that knowing in the midst of guilt arising? I can choose to watch the vibrational energy for as long as it takes before it passes. And as everything in life, it will pass.
How can you join me in creating space inside?
You can practice observing your thoughts this week, as well as allowing whatever arises to be there, and watch it pass on by.
Just for this week, "I am watching my thoughts as they arise and I'm letting them pass me by."
Thank you.
Not resisting what happens last week has led me to start writing a novel. I'm not questioning why I want to write that particular story as a novel, not as a screenplay, which is what I've been working on thus far, because the rule is not to resist what happens. How did not resisting work for you?
What am I still resisting?
The truth of the matter is that I am still not in complete surrender. This past week I found that guilt arose. The guilt stemmed from the fact that I wasn't working on a screenplay instead. After all, I've been training in the craft of screenwriting, then why wasn't I continuing to do that?
Which brings me back to the original question...
What do I really want out of life?
Ultimately, what I really want is to be at peace. Then, how do I maintain peace when guilt arises? Eckhart Tolle teaches that the guilt, shame, fear, or any other disturbing or uncomfortable emotions we feel are due to our identification with the incessant "voice in the head." It's the voice that labels situations as good or bad, judges, analyzes, reviews old conversations, brings up the past, etcetera. Or what Jill Bolte Taylor (Stroke of Insight) calls the "left brain chatter."
My intention this week is to combine last week's technique of not resisting whatever arises, including guilt, and creating more space between thoughts.
How does one create space between thoughts?
Those of who are familiar with the practices of mindfulness or meditation know that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just there doing their thing like digestion. Those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, go to your breath right now and see if a thought arises while you take that breath. A thought cannot possibly arise when your attention is on your breath. To create space between the chatter and the peace underneath it, we need to place ourselves in the role of an observer. The more we observe our thoughts without identifying with them or taking them personally, the more space we create.
The techniques that I use are: going to the breath, going to the body (what does a thought feel like in my body), and watching my thoughts without judging their content (and forgiving myself if I forget :)).
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be able to stay focused on what I'm doing regardless of guilt arising. Intellectually, I always know that I am not my guilt. It's just an energy vibration that comes in and out. Then, how do I connect to that knowing in the midst of guilt arising? I can choose to watch the vibrational energy for as long as it takes before it passes. And as everything in life, it will pass.
How can you join me in creating space inside?
You can practice observing your thoughts this week, as well as allowing whatever arises to be there, and watch it pass on by.
Just for this week, "I am watching my thoughts as they arise and I'm letting them pass me by."
Thank you.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
A Handshake with Life
As of Now...
What do I really want out of Life?
I want Life to work through me. To me, that means that I don't get caught up in "trying to figure it out," but rather surrender to LIfe by staying present and see what action arises out of that.
What's my current situation?
I am not decided in my career or rather there are a couple of things that I want to pursue and am not sure how to go about it. I've been pursuing creative writing for about five years now. I've started and finished several ideas, some I tossed and some I did not finish. I allowed fear and/or doubt to come in the way and through that somehow convinced myself that I should forget about creative writing all together and just concentrate on my other passion, which is to teach or coach inner peace, which is something I'd do for free any place, any time. All the while I continue getting inspired about all these ideas for stories, "how to guides," and sometimes unrelated business ventures. And that's when anxiety arises. What should I do? Which one should I choose? What should I be working on currently?
Hence, I would like to surrender all trying and allow Life to guide me. But in order for Life to guide me, I need to make sure that I have a good relationship with Life.
As in any new relationship, it's important to shake hands first. My intention this week is to shake hands with Life and say, "Hey, I'm here. I'm ready to start a healthy relationship with you."
What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with Life?
To me, it means that I do not resist whatever happens. Let's say I made a commitment to research life coaching, but when I sit down at the computer, I feel inspired to write instead, I'm going to go with the inspiration and write. And the reason for that is because I'm surrendering to Life and that is obviously what it wants to do through me at this moment.
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be at peace with whatever I choose in the moment. I don't want to second guess every move I make. In order to do that, I vow to make that choice every time anxiety, fear, or doubt arises.
How can you join me in creating me this week?
First of all, by shaking hands with Life, I'm also shaking hands with you and visa versa. And second of all, you can join me in not resisting whatever happens this week.
Together we can remind ourselves "Just for this week, I won't resist what happens."
Next week, I'll check in and see what happens.
Thank you.
What do I really want out of Life?
I want Life to work through me. To me, that means that I don't get caught up in "trying to figure it out," but rather surrender to LIfe by staying present and see what action arises out of that.
What's my current situation?
I am not decided in my career or rather there are a couple of things that I want to pursue and am not sure how to go about it. I've been pursuing creative writing for about five years now. I've started and finished several ideas, some I tossed and some I did not finish. I allowed fear and/or doubt to come in the way and through that somehow convinced myself that I should forget about creative writing all together and just concentrate on my other passion, which is to teach or coach inner peace, which is something I'd do for free any place, any time. All the while I continue getting inspired about all these ideas for stories, "how to guides," and sometimes unrelated business ventures. And that's when anxiety arises. What should I do? Which one should I choose? What should I be working on currently?
Hence, I would like to surrender all trying and allow Life to guide me. But in order for Life to guide me, I need to make sure that I have a good relationship with Life.
As in any new relationship, it's important to shake hands first. My intention this week is to shake hands with Life and say, "Hey, I'm here. I'm ready to start a healthy relationship with you."
What does it mean to have a healthy relationship with Life?
To me, it means that I do not resist whatever happens. Let's say I made a commitment to research life coaching, but when I sit down at the computer, I feel inspired to write instead, I'm going to go with the inspiration and write. And the reason for that is because I'm surrendering to Life and that is obviously what it wants to do through me at this moment.
What kind of a person do I really want to be in this situation?
I want to be at peace with whatever I choose in the moment. I don't want to second guess every move I make. In order to do that, I vow to make that choice every time anxiety, fear, or doubt arises.
How can you join me in creating me this week?
First of all, by shaking hands with Life, I'm also shaking hands with you and visa versa. And second of all, you can join me in not resisting whatever happens this week.
Together we can remind ourselves "Just for this week, I won't resist what happens."
Next week, I'll check in and see what happens.
Thank you.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Not Knowing
"If you want to be given anything, give everything up." - Tao Te Ching
The not knowing invites all knowing. I can't write if I think I know something. I have to step away from the computer when expectation arises. "All is vanity." I had to take a deep breath and watch my thoughts just then because resistance arose. Resistance permeates the body like poison. The body says, "you're messing with my perfect chemistry, whatever you brought in here, get it out of here." I sit down on the invisible chair behind me and cleanse my system. Then, I sit down on the actual chair, close my eyes, and breathe.
I place my writing books back on the shelf and I write from not knowing. I put away all my ideas and work from a place of no goal. I clean out all thoughts of what I think this blog should be about and write "Who am I?" That way I will never forget to look at the deeper "I" that resides within all of us.
The not knowing invites all knowing. I can't write if I think I know something. I have to step away from the computer when expectation arises. "All is vanity." I had to take a deep breath and watch my thoughts just then because resistance arose. Resistance permeates the body like poison. The body says, "you're messing with my perfect chemistry, whatever you brought in here, get it out of here." I sit down on the invisible chair behind me and cleanse my system. Then, I sit down on the actual chair, close my eyes, and breathe.
I place my writing books back on the shelf and I write from not knowing. I put away all my ideas and work from a place of no goal. I clean out all thoughts of what I think this blog should be about and write "Who am I?" That way I will never forget to look at the deeper "I" that resides within all of us.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Truth
What is the truth?
Too many words will never be the truth. Then why start a blog you may ask? Good question. I'm going to let these posts speak for themselves. The truth is not in what I think, but in the thinking that happens through me. I have no control over how much or how little wants to be written in each post. I'm going to get out of the way in order for what wants to be written to be written.
Thank you.
Too many words will never be the truth. Then why start a blog you may ask? Good question. I'm going to let these posts speak for themselves. The truth is not in what I think, but in the thinking that happens through me. I have no control over how much or how little wants to be written in each post. I'm going to get out of the way in order for what wants to be written to be written.
Thank you.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Who am I?
Who am I?
I've been lost too many times that a clear-cut answer would not cut it. I'm dedicating an entire blog to it.
I've been lost too many times that a clear-cut answer would not cut it. I'm dedicating an entire blog to it.
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