Friday, August 27, 2010

How do I improve my situation?

How do I improve my situation?

Let's look at that question or thought closely. That thought implies that there is a situation and that it needs to be improved.

What is a situation?

It's what my mind perceives to be the reality.

What's the reality now?

I'm sitting in my room, typing. And my mind says that I should be doing something to improve my situation. It's not even my mind. It's the discomfort inside my chest.

What is that discomfort? Can you stop typing and sit with it?

I sat for about 10 minutes. At first, I was dehydrated and needed water immediately, but I didn't get myself any, I continued sitting. Then the dehydration turned to fatigue and I wanted to lie down. As I continued to sit with it, I felt a pang in my heart and I heard the word, "worthlessness." Is that why I want to improve my situation so that I don't feel worthless?

Can you actually feel the worthlessness? Don't answer right away it. Feel it.

I sat for another 10 minutes. My mind immediately tried to search for an answer and I spaced out. I kept jumping from my journal to my breath. When I placed more of my attention on my breath than my thinking, then the feeling subsided and I felt nothing. Worthlessness feels like nothing in particular.

Who are you without the thought, "How do I improve my situation?"



There are these thoughts, especially when I first wake up, that I need to do something other than what I'm doing or not doing. My mind tells me, "it's not enough, you need to do more." Maybe that's true and maybe it isn't, but by looking at the root of such thoughts, I'm discovering that there is no root. It's like I've been programmed to believe that I have to think these thoughts in order to do something. When in reality, I'm already doing something with or without these thoughts. It feels like this unnecessary added pressure to fulfill an image that doesn't exist.

Join me in doing what we're already doing, not what we "think" we should be doing.

Thank you!

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